38 comments
4 months ago
So, I know two girls who have been with their boyfriends ever since they were 15, and they're 19 now. they talk about getting married and having kids and living out the rest of their lives together. What do you guys think about that?i feel like, at that age, your maturity level is still pretty darn low and you haven't experienced everything that life has to offer. I'm a huge proponent for female independence, and I would call myself a feminist as well, so the thought of marriage without experiencing some sort of independence is absurd to me. sometimes the best experiences in life are when you are alone. Maybe I just haven't experienced what they have, but I feel like the most important things in my life are friends and family, and marrying someone when you're that young is somewhat irrational. you don't know what love is, you haven't experienced heartbreak, and most of all your future and independence is put aside.what do you guys think? is it possible to be truly in love with your high school sweetheart? and do these relationships last?
over 4 years ago
It's totally possible to fall in love with your high school sweetheart, and stay married to them forever. I've seen it happen in the parents and grandparents of some of my friends. It takes a lot of maturity, trust, and commitment, but they're entirely possible.I considered marrying my high school sweetheart, back in the day. She was my first girlfriend, and we had a really great relationship going. I was head over heels for her, and she gave me the respect I felt I deserved. She also told me that she loved me, and I felt that she meant it. If things had stayed the way they were going forever, yes, I do believe I would've married her and I would've fought for us to remain together forever.However, as you say, some things do change. And - again, as you said - our maturity was very low at the time. Two little blissfully ignorant lovebirds, we were. Then I started maturing more, and she did not. That was the crux it spawned the major rift. We began maturing at different speeds, and she became unhappy with the state of things. She broke it off with me. Does that mean perfect relationships with an high school sweetheart are impossible? Of course not, for we were under very unique circumstances, in our own relationship. Every other relat if both parties in a relationship matured at the same speed, and dealt with their mutual problems more cohesively, there is no reason for that same sort of rift to occur. Remember that feminism isn't that whole bra-burning, no-shaving, über-amazonness woman sort of movement as it used to be back in the day. I'm a very firm supporter of the feminist movement. And you're right, it's good to be an independent, strong woman. It shows lots of ability and experience at living life, to be able to take care of oneself, very admirable qualities indeed. But the modern views on feminism - 3rd wave feminism, I believe scholars call it? - states that girls shouldn't have to be on either side of sp they don't need to be housewives, nor do they need to be straight up, DIY, hardcore women. This brand of feminism states that women should choose for themselves what they think is best, no matter that a balance is needed, to balance the independent woman with the dependent woman. My point is, there's nothing bad in marriage. A woman is no less independent in a committed relationship - being with a man (or woman, for that matter) is not a hindrance on independence, but rather a maturation of the woman into a realm of codependence - instead of one person working for themself, two people working for each other - human symbiosis, if you will. I begin to digress though. You're right in saying that marrying at a young age is irrational. But on the same token of logic, love is irrational. As much as we try to logicize love, love remains the most irrational, nonsensical things in human thought and life. So who can say two folks irrationally marrying each other at a young age before they've fully matured is any less rational than two people who fall in love, you see? Just my take on the issue. I think if you love someone, age, maturity, experience, they're all non-issues. Love should guide you in life. It may lead you down wrong paths occasionally, but as long as you remain true to yourself, you'll always find your way.
My great grandparents met when they was 11, and were together ever since, until my grandfather died 2 years ago. And my grandparents met when they were 13 and are still together and still madly in love with each other. Seeing them hugging and laughing together is so cute.Also a few of my mothers friends married their childhood sweethearts and they're all still together. So I do believe that it can work.
It doesn't matter if you meet your "soulmate" at 16 or 60 if there's chemistry and love there's nothing they can do about it.My grandpa met when my grandma when she was 13 and
my granpa was 16. When grandma turned 16 they got married (in here that used to be legal with parents permission haha) And they stayed together until my grandma passed when she was 65. He says he refuses to go to the cementery because if he knew she was there he would go, but the "thing"that is there is just a body. Their marriage is the only thing that still makes me believe in true love in between two people. I understand the singularity of this case but it's just proof that it does happen and it can last.
yes, it is possible. i know of lots of people who married their first boyfriend/girlfriend. however for a marriage to work, true love and trust isn't enough, there are other factors like paying the bills, keeping house, taking care of children, should there be any, etc. for a marriage to work both parties should have a level of maturity to be able to stick with a person through 'sickness and in health' (although divorce is an option). i dont think that maturity comes with age, but through having life experiences.
I feel the same way, where many of the examples of this exist with parents and grandparents who lived in a different generation. i also feel that people that young get married just for the sake of it, feeling that it's the "next natural step." Like how some say "well we've been together for five years, might as well get married" without even thinking about it.
I think all young couples considering marriage should ask themselves this: is there any dire reason why we /must/ get married now instead of in, say, five or six years, when we're a little more mature and (most likely) financially stable? This isn't the 40's or 50's, where you could buy a house for a few thousands of dollars and be set. I agree with what you said about experiencing a level of independence before making that commitment. At the age of nineteen, most people are in college or working some menial job or just barely starting to str it's a poor time to decide to shack up with someone, imo.And sure it's possible to be in love with your high school sweetheart, but that doesn't equate to ready-for-marriage. Two of my good friends dated from seventh grade until their second year of college, then split up after being engaged for a few months.
Why should someone get married any way?
Because i think it's sad to believe that you're going to be happy with someone for the rest of your life or at least for a great period of time.I mean, being with someone for years?And have kids?That's scary
Because i think that's sad and pathetic to believe that you're going to be happy with someone for the rest of your life or at least for a great period of time.We people suck.I mean get married and be with someone for so long?And have family?For me it's scary.But it's just my opinion
Well first of all i don't believe in special ones.I also donnot believe that monogamy is progress of the human nature.It's just such a stereotype.Since we still kill each other for various reasons, from anger to money i refuse to believe we have made any serious progress.Morally and ethically we are still animals and cruel.I see no mental progress at all.We have made stereotypes that we should strickly follow or we would be considered as "wrong" and we consider money as the solution to everything.That this is the goal of our lives and that will make us happy.That is alienation to me.I do agree that through marriage you experience so many different things than being alone.And sure i'm too young and afraid to commitment.But i strongly believe that marriage is just a paper and nothing more than that.People are a big dissapointment.I know i sound terribly hurted but i'm not.The opposite!But that's my point of view..
I think it's fine.
I dont see why being married to someone means that you dont get to experience life, they can see the world together and experience everything in life together and I cant think of anything more amazing than getting to share those experiences with someone you love.
I think once you find the person who you are meant to be with you will never want to leave them, it seems silly that they would break up with the person they are going to spend the rest of their life with just so they can be 'independent', they would probably end up miserable instead.
I dont think it matters how old you are if you are in love and you know its right why not get married.
...and for those who never had a "Highschool Sweetheart"?
My boyfriend and I started dating when we were 17, and yes, we met at High School. Now we are 25 and we're still together, even if we're not married. I cannot know if it will be like that forever, but I wish it.
Then i guess you don't get married :P Hohahoha just kidding
Actually that might be for the better considering the odds of successful marriage are about 50/50, and oddly enough in the case of most divorces, the wife receives 50% of what the husband has or earns. I'm probably better off remaining unmarried....fiscally at least.
That's the best decision you could have made.I feel sorry for the married ones i believe they're really unhappy..Pathetic :P I prefer to travel alone until i die
I'd like to think it can work. I want to marry my highschool boy. We shall see what happens. Life is weird. haha
I think it's silly to think that women shouldn't get married "too early" for feminism. Feminism isn't only about being independent from men, it's about being allowed choices we didn't always have. Years ago there would be a lot of pressure for them to get married, and now as responsible independent adults it's their choice.I also think it's silly to think that before 19 no one has experienced heart break, I'm sure that worse things will happen in my life but I've had my heart broken enough to know what I need in a relationship.Obviously in some situations marrying your highschool sweetheart is perfect, but it isn't your job to determine that for your friends. I personally wouldn't date someone for 4 years if I didn't want to marry them.
the 50/50 thing is actually bullshit. It comes from the statistics for the USA in the 1980's. The estimates from statistics Canada in 2008 is more like 38% of marriages before the 30th anniversary will fail, but it's really quite rare after that.
But consider how few Canadians are getting married, its more common now a days to find common law couples living together, but not bound together in the rites of marriage. Case in point, I'm not even 25 and I only have maybe 3 separate friends who have gotten married, and one set of friends who have a long term engagement. One of those friends married his high school sweetheart, the others married people they met afterwards. Almost everyone else I know gets stuck in patterns of serial monogamy. If we were living a few decades ago, I'm certain that far more of my friends would be married by now. I figure that as I get older, more and more of my friends will probably disappear into marriages, some of them might hold out like I'm planning to until I meet the right Pagan Priestess who can agree to the right Prenuptial agreement. I just don't like Christendoms(more like Christendumb) stance on interpersonal relationships or their accepted view on the male/female dynamic.
I agree with you, it's crazy to think that's the right decision to be married with someone that might be the first boyfriend/girlfriend. I believe that a person should have a lot of different experiences, to find your own personality before getting married and at a such young age I'm sure that they don't even know who they really are. So, how could a person suppose that will make another person happy if this person don't even know what the true happiness of new experiences and finding the own personality is?
My parents did it, they met when my mum was 16 and my dad was 18I think it's a really lovely idea, but I guess it doesn't always work out like that..
December 22, 2010
TAINA C.I totally agree with you!sometimes it can work, but people grow and change in years. Some couples are able to do new experiences together, others don't. In my opinion, it's important to meet people, so that you can understand what you like and what you dislike. A sort of personal growth, to get a better understanding of yourself.
December 22, 2010
I love my boyfriend, but I'm a skeptic about the whole '"high school sweethearts getting married" thing.I mean, it's pretty foolish to think that we're one another's soulmate. It's a big world wit what are the odds that your "soulmate" lives in the same city as you? -But I contadict myself a hell of a lot, and I sometimes think I'm going to marry my boyfriend. :p
February 16, 2011
i think it can work. i think if you are right for each other, it doesn't matter how old you are from the age of 16. if it works for you that you settle on the first person, why not?
December 28, 2014
Yes, I agree with Selina, that it can work, especially if you are right for each other. However, there is much to be said about 'being right for each other'. What I believe makes 2 couples right for ea. other entail many commonalities, core values, principles, and a deep level of respect for each other's fundamental beliefs, not to mention a deep desire and willingness to make it work. Although madly in love w/my 1st love, and a close bond w/family, and a deep level of respect for ea. other, I did not marry my high school sweetheart for unfortunate and unexplainable reasons, but we were deeply in love with one another, even after parting ways for several years, getting back together, and parting again despite our love for each other. Imagine going an entire lifetime knowing that there was only one woman or one man that you truly loved, but never married, stayed single because you knew that this person was the truest and absolute love of your life . . .
to only cross paths 21+ years later, reconcile through months of tears, and then eventually get married knowing that you are finally reunited with the person who you were designed to be with in the first place.
That's my story in a nutshell. My point - you can't really make these decisions based on a million perceptions. Never lose hope. Marrying your childhood or high school sweetheart is possible, but no great love story comes without great sacrifice. Best wishes and happy love to all!
February 17, 2015
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LOOKBOOK. 保留所有权利。Relax. People like to feel safe and comfortable with their friends, and always ready to have fun. You want to give off the vibe that you’re comfortable with goofing around and also letting others have a good time. So chill out and you'll make everyone else chilled out, too.
Give people a quick compliment. This will show them that you care and that you’re paying attention.
Laugh a lot. Have open, relaxed, body language. Show people that you’re up for anything.
Try to loosen up as much as possible. If you're tense, your friends will be too. Cut loose!
Pay attention to your friends. Make eye contact, put away your phone, and make people around you feel important. If you look distracted and like you have a million other things on your mind, then people won’t be able to let loose and have fun around you.
Look at people with approval. Don’t make them think you’re condescending or judging them, or they’ll be much less likely to open up around you.
Crack lots of jokes. If you're unafraid of how silly or ridiculous you look, people will want to hang around you. Here are some ways you can be a total goofball:
Do your best (or worst) impression of someone you all know, whether it’s a teacher or a coworker.
Dance like a complete fool, pretending like you think you’re the best dancer ever.
Sing the words to your favorite embarrassing song.
Wear a ridiculous outfit, or a graphic tee with a silly message.
Don’t be afraid to tell a corny joke or make a silly pun.
Go on adventures. If you've never done something before, that's a good reason to try it! Be spontaneous and try something new instead of making excuses. If you're the one coming up with the fun ideas to try new things, your friends will think you're fun to be around.
Say "yes" more. Instead of saying, “No, because…” try to embrace new challenges and try new things.
Check out the last section for some ideas about fun things to do with your friends.
Keep things positive. Though we all have our bad days, you should focus on talking about the good things in your life and the things you have to look forward to instead of the annoying little things that upset you. This sets a positive tone for your social interactions and makes people want to be around you more.
If you catch yourself saying something negative, try to counter your comment with two positive comments.
If the people around you are bummed out, then you should work on trying to cheer them up instead of sinking down to their level.
You don’t have to completely fake it and plaster a fake smile on your face if you had a terrible day. However, you should make an effort to be more positive if you’re just mildly annoyed or if you know that whatever is bothering you isn’t a big deal.
Bring your friends together. In a group, try to make sure that most people like each other or at least get to know each other. Be a uniter, making the people around you bond and become closer with each other, even if it’s at your expense.
Be subtle about it. If you’re with two people who feel like they have nothing in common, bring up a mutual interest that can help them bond.
If you have two friends who don’t really get along, mention nice things about one person to the other that will make them more likely to get along.
Help people bond by suggesting fun activities that everyone can agree on, such as bowling or playing Red Rover. The more fun the activity, the better.
Ask people lots of entertaining questions. Get conversations started. You don’t have to pry too much to ask some fun conversation starter questions and to make people feel comfortable and happy about opening up. Here are some things you can ask people about:
An embarrassing moment they had as a kid
A funny comedy sketch or show they saw recently
A time when they really messed up or got in trouble
A time when their first impressions were completely wrong
The strangest place they ever visited
Don’t complain too much. Unless your rants are funny, it's best to keep things positive. Nobody likes a complainer or a downer. This can make your friends think that you’re no fun at all. If something is really bothering you, then write it down or tell a close friend, but avoid complaining loudly in a group setting if you want to be fun.
Don't let other people complain too much, either. If other people around you are complaining too much, try to poke fun at the topic and steer the conversation in a more positive direction that is more likely to make people have fun.
Open up with people. Fun people are comfortable with themselves and are happy to share personal experiences and ideas. If you open up, then the people around you will be more likely to open up, too, and you’ll create an environment that is more fun and welcoming. Here are some things you can open up about:
Funny moments in your childhood
A time when you made a fool of yourself
A botched attempt at romance
Your relationship with a friend or relative who always cracks you up
A ridiculous summer job you once had
Make fun of yourself. Don't take yourself too seriously. If this means you have to open yourself to being the butt of a few jokes or clown around a bit, it can be a good time. Doing this will make other people more likely to loosen up a bit, also leading to a more fun situation.
Tell a funny story about something you did earlier that day that could make other people crack up. If you made an awkward comment, spilled coffee all over yourself, or made people stare at you for some reason, share the story all in good fun.
If you trip or say something ridiculous by accident, don’t act all flustered, like you’re worried about looking like a weirdo. Instead, laugh at yourself and say something along the lines of, “There I go again!”
Meet new people. Whether you’re introducing yourself to a cute barista or just meeting some new interesting people at a coffee shop, the key to being fun is being up for whatever a new person has to say. This is the only way to open up yourself to new people and experiences and to have even more fun in the process.
Even if the person is completely different from you, you should have fun and embrace those differences instead of just staying in your comfort zone.
Every person has something to teach you and the more people you know, the more knowledge you can gain. Don’t ever look at a new person as not a worthy investment or a waste of your time.
Just say hi, introduce yourself, and ask the person a question or two about himself. You can keep the tone lighthearted as you get to know the person better.
Explore a new part of your city or neighborhood. Be on the lookout for fun new activities in the place where you live, whether it’s a bocce tournament, a folk singing competition, or a vegan food festival. Search for new opportunities in new part of your town you haven’t seen before and invite your friends to join you, seeing it all as a new adventure.
If the event makes you feel completely out of your comfort zone, whether it’s a pig roast or a poetry slam, then all the better. Think of all of the new and exciting people you can meet when you try something that feels completely different to you.
Encourage your friends to be adventurous with you. Let them know that it’s fun to try something new.
Step out of your comfort zone. Whether you try to learn a new language or run a 5K, trying to push yourself to try new and exciting things will make you a more fun person. The more things you know how to do, the more dynamic of a person you’ll be, which means the more experiences you’ll have to share with the people around you. Try the following:
Dance even if you don’t know how. Whether you’re dancing by yourself like a goofball at a party, hitting the dance floor with your friends to do a coordinated dance you don’t quite know how to do, or moving around the dance floor with your partner, the most important thing is that you put yourself out there and have fun.
If you flail your limbs, belt out the lyrics to your favorite song, and toss your hair back, then other people will be having fun around you.
Encourage people to come out on the dance floor with you. Drag your wallflower friends out and show them how much fun they can have.
Conquer your fears. Whether you’re afraid of heights, clowns, or tiny dogs, spend some time trying to work through your fear and to step out stronger on the other side. You’ll be surprised by what you’re capable of.
Make a habit of accepting more invitations to do new things. Though you may have been turning down your friend who is an avid hiker or avid oil painter because you’ve never tried these activities, you should say yes and see how much you can do the next time.
The next time you’re out at a party or social gathering, scan the crowd for the person you think you’ll have the least in common with. Introduce yourself to that person to see how much you’ll learn.
If someone at a show asks for a volunteer, don’t be afraid to raise your hand. Get loud and crazy at your favorite concert. Wear a crazy outfit that makes you feel good. Sign up to sing your favorite karaoke song even if you’re tone deaf. Throw a ridiculous themed party. Be fun!
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For example:Don't say: Eat more fats.Do say: Add fats with some nutritional value to the foods you already eat. Try olive oil, butter, avocado, and mayonnaise.
Be honest and meet your promises. Being trustworthy matters to people and if they know you're reliable, they'll relax a lot more around you.
Treat people in the way that you would like to be treated.
If you're one of those people who always finds themselves in an awkward silence with someone, write down a list of things to talk about and whenever you find yourself in an awkward silence bring up one of those topics. Remember to always find the funny and bright side of things (unless of course it isn't the time).
Pursue knowledge as a permanent state of being. Knowing a lot improves your wit, gives you plenty to talk about and makes life a lot more interesting.
Avoid gossiping or spreading rumors. These aid nobody and can damage your reputation as someone who is easy and fun to be around. It's hard to have fun when you think someone is just going to turn around and tell tales on you.
Laugh with, not at, your friends and other people.
Define your limits. Set aside some time to rejuvenate your spirit and energy without others around. Also let others know you have limits that they cannot cross.
Smile a lot and try to like everyone. Don't judge others, because you never know what they might be going through.
Stay on the bright side and sometimes random acts of kindness and remember if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all.
Don't alienate your own current friends because they are the best ones you have. Keep them in your life too or they WILL be offended.
Don't laugh at people. Laugh with them. It's good to laugh at yourself, though. You have to in order to stay happy through your mistakes and failures.
Don't only pay attention to being fun. You need to keep a more serious side and let it show at appropriate times too. If your friend is asking you for support through hard times, you need to take that as your responsibility and show them that you're a friend worth keeping. Same thing goes with your parents--show them that you deserve more freedom by trusting what they say and being responsible.
Be aware that the kind of fun you're having is healthy, legal, and doesn't cause anyone any harm, including yourself.
If you are really close, obvious flirtatious teasing is all right. But if you are just getting to know someone, start off polite.
Don't try to make people think you are fun. It comes off as phony and pushy.
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