Should People with Bipolar Have Kids?
I am now 33. And that’s one of those ages where the biological clock starts to have a deafening ring. But the thing is I can’ I can’ I have bipolar disorder.
Pregnancy and Bipolar Disorder or Depression
Pregnancy is a pretty traumatic event for a body to go through, even for the healthiest of women. It changes absolutely everything about your body from hormones to blood volume and the curl in your hair. And if you don’t think it’s going to have an impact on bipolar disorder or , you’re just not thinking straight.
Postpartum Depression or Postpartum Psychosis
Unfortunately, during the most “magical” moments of a woman’s life, after she’s given the screaming, blood-covered lifeform, an insidious disease known as postpartum depression, or worse, postpartum psychosis may be moving into her brain. Postpartum depression hits the brain of 15% of women after they have a baby. And we’re notoriously bad at screening for postpartum depression which compromises a woman’s ability to care for her child.
And worse (and much less common) is postpartum . Postpartum psychosis takes depression to a whole new level where the woman completely loses touch with reality and may even harm her child. Postpartum psychosis has an infanticide rate of 10% – 15%. Oh, and those women with postpartum psychosis – most of them have bipolar disorder.
Pregnancy and Bipolar Medication
And on top of that, whatever meds I might be taking now would likely have to be
during pregnancy. Pretty much all psych meds are in a category that is recommended only in life-saving circumstances and some psych meds are known flat out to harm newborns, like cause birth defects. And
if you want to breastfeed.
Of course, an untreated mental illness harms a child as well. Children born to depressed mothers show decreased cognitive abilities from the time they are born and it’s still there when the child starts school.
Genetics and Bipolar Disorder
And then there’s the issue of genetics. If you have a serious mental illness your offspring has a very good chance of also suffering a serious mental illness. And if both parents are ill? Then you might as well just sign your kid up for a psychiatrist now.
In addition to my personal, mental illness, there is also the fact that mental illness runs in my family, including addiction (which also has genetic ties). My family is rife with destruction thanks to mental illness.
Can a Person with Bipolar be a Good Parent?
Now this one I can’t answer for sure, but in all honesty, if I look deep into the mirror and think about being with a child fulltime, I can honestly say, no, I couldn’t be a good mother. Not because I don’t want to. Not even because I’m not sure how to. But because my moods will override that child sometimes. I know they would. They override everything. They destroy everything at times. There is no reasonable way to look at it such that a child would also not be hurt by that illness.*
I Can’t Have a Child, I Have Bipolar Disorder
So between the trauma of pregnancy, the horrors of post-partum and medication, the unfairness of genetics and the reality of parenting, there is just no way to have a child. . Not if I love that unborn child. Not if I want a better life for them then I have had. Not if I don’t want to sentence them to a life started with a ball and chain attached to their psyche.
I’m not saying that’s how everyone sees it, and if you’re mentally ill and going to have children, doctors can help you through that process. You can get through it.
But what I know is true for me is that having a child would be unbelievably selfish and I could never do that to an innocent life. So no matter how loud my biological clock ticks I have to do the right thing and not have a child.
If you’re interested in more on pregnancy and mental illness, see
* Now I know, many people have two-parent households, in which case, good for you, but I have to say, if you’re considering having a child, you ought to consider what single-parenting is like as there is a fairly decent chance it will come down to that as is obvious simply due to the divorce rate.
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& Your name
& Your email
& Your websiteThis week our crush comes from Sold! Blog’s own, Shannon Barr, Editorial Assistant for Harlequin Intrigue and Nocturne. She reveals her secret crush on The Green Arrow’s alter ego Oliver Queen!
My secret crush is absolutely Arrow’s Oliver Queen. For me he isn’t just a superhero, he is also the ultimate romantic hero! For those of you who don’t know the story of The Green Arrow or watch the show (Why don’t you watch the show?!?), I will try to sum it up for you…Oliver Queen is a billionaire playboy who was stranded on a dangerous island for years and has finally returned home to rid his city of the criminals that have been preying on it, using the archery skills he gained on the island.
Oliver Queen is absolutely an alpha hero. He is not afraid of playing the villain and going to extremes to protect the people he loves. But the show does an excellent job of tempering that side of him with the anguish he feels over disappointing his family and friends. He struggles with balancing his dual identities, with the choices he has to make as the Arrow to keep the city safe and with, having made those tough decisions, whether or not he can still be considered a “hero.”
It also doesn’t hurt that he is played by the gorgeous Stephen Amell. I think that combination is what makes him such an engaging hero–fans are pulled in by the heartthrob, alpha superhero taking down bad guys and climbing a salmon ladder shirtless, but they (or at least I) really connect with the emotion and moments of vulnerability that he tries to hide from the world.
Thanks, Shannon! This is some great #MondayMotivation to start our week!
Do you have a #SecretCrush on a superhero? Tell us on twitter or below in comments!
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Happy Saturday! This week we’ve got a special quartet of editor advice!
This week , ,
step into the SOLD blog spotlight! Enjoy!
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Jennifer Faye first sold to Harlequin in October 2012. Her Harlequin Romance debut was July 2013 and since then, she has written nine Harlequin Romance books. What she loves most about writing for Harlequin is her editors, the amazing stories she gets to tell and the box of books the UPS man delivers to her door. She likens it to Christmas year round.
Don’t miss , Jennifer’s latest book – out now!
Follow Jennifer on and , and be sure to check out her !
1. What book first got you hooked on Harlequin?
The first Harlequin I read was when I was a teenager. It was a sunny afternoon and there was a sidewalk sale in town. I remember finding the book amongst tons of others. The cover was purple, but for the life of me I can’t remember the title or the author. But that was the beginning of my love affair with Harlequins. I’ve read hundreds over the years.
2. How did you celebrate selling your first manuscript?
The day I got the call my husband brought home my favorites: Chinese takeout, flowers, bubbly and handmade chocolates. Then that weekend he took me out on the town for a fondue dinner. It was a very special night indeed.
3. Which of the many books you’ve written has stayed with you the most and why?
Snowbound with the Soldier will always hold a special place in my heart. The book has a special kitty in it that was loosely based on my real life kitty, Sly. In fact, I crafted the whole book with her by my side. She was a stray that stole my heart. But sadly cancer stole her away from us far too soon. The book is dedicated to her.
4. What’s top of your TBR pile?
Robyn Carr’s Virgin River series. I’m partway through the series and I love revisiting the colourful characters.
5. What book do you wish you’d written and why?
Is it wrong that I’ve never had this thought? J The truth is that I’ve read numerous books that I’ve loved. The ones that stand out in my mind have vivid imagery, larger-than-life characters, vibrant emotions and a happily-ever-after.
6. What’s harder – first or last lines?
First lines, hands down. I struggle with opening lines and opening scenes. What I write down initially is definitely not what I turn into my editor. But you can’t edit an empty page so the initial draft serves its purpose.
7. How do you choose your characters’ names?
It is just part of the creative process. Sure I will look for names on Google from a certain region, but the name needs to fit what I know about the character’s personality.
8. How do you push through writer’s block?
Thankfully, I haven’t experienced writer’s block. *knock on wood* And I hope that I never do. I keep an ideas folder for future books that I’m anxious to write. And I plot out each book with a detailed synopsis that works as my roadmap from beginning to end. However, my characters have been known to take a few detours along the way, but eventually they get back on track. ?
9. What’s the best career advice you’ve ever had?
I’ve been fortunate to have some awesome writer friends who have shared lots of helpful tips. The most recent bit of advice that has stuck with me is: writing your next book is your best marketing approach ~ Marie Force.
10. Your preferred writing snack?
Black tea. I don’t really snack while I’m writing but I do have to have a tall mug of hot tea in the winter or a glass of iced tea in the summer.
11. Who is your favourite fictional couple?
Rhett Butler and Scarlett O’Hara. I fell in love with Gone with the Wind when I was a little kid and it was on television. I was certain that they would eventually wisen up and get back together. I was so excited when the sequel came out, but it just didn’t jive with the story I’d conjured up in my imagination. But either way, they got their HEA.
12. If you could rewrite your life, what would you change?
Nothing. At least none of the important stuff. Because the good and the bad combined to give me the most wonderful family and my dream career—creating happily-ever-afters.
13. What would your readers be surprised to know about you?
I like my homemade spaghetti sauce and pasta served over cottage cheese. A poor man’s lasagne. And yes, it grosses out my hubby every time I do it. LOL.
14. What is your most overused word?
‘husband, I need…’ Oh, wait. You mean in my books??? Hmm…I guess that would depend upon the book. But in general, it is something very boring—the word ‘that’.
15. If I wasn’t a romance author, I would have liked to be…
A crazy cat lady…no, I’m kidding. Well, sort of. I’m already one.
In my prior life, I was a statistician. I love working with numbers, so it would have been something in that arena.
16. When was the last time you said ‘I love you’?
Every single day. I say it all the time to my hubby and kids. It can never be said enough.
17. What does love feel like?
It’s a giddy feeling. It’s a warm sensation. It’s a sense of comfort—of belonging. Love is simply amazing—so it my husband.
18. What’s your guiltiest pleasure?
Ice cream in the winter. My grandfather was a gardener—we’re talking a half acre or more. So there was no time in the summer months for treats. It was work from sunrise to sunset. The goodies were saved for the downtime in the winter. So I remember snuggling under a blanket while enjoying my ice cream with my grandparents.
19. What’s your most romantic song?
Frank Sinatra’s ‘The Way You Look Tonight’. Some songs are truly timeless.
20. Every hero needs…
A broad chest, strong arms and a handsomely crooked smile. A strong person with a tender heart lurking just beneath the surface.
Thanks so much for having me. I’ve really enjoyed visiting. And if anyone has any questions for me, you can ask here or via the contact form on my website:
Meet Lara Temple, our newest author for Harlequin Historical! Read on to find out more about the big moment… The Call!
“I wondered if we might arrange a phone call for later this week—as there are some further small comments and queries I’d like to discuss with you.”
I stared at this sentence in the latest email from Nicola Caws from HQN, the latest in the emotional roller coaster that began the moment I received “the call” that my Regency romance manuscript had made it into the SYTYCW14 short list.
I sat there, frowning at this phrase as if it were some elaborate code, my mind both very quiet and climbing the walls. Out of the jumble I focused on two things—though this isn’t a “yay! We’ll take it!” it’s also not a “not interested, thank you.”
I call my practical-minded yet optimistic husband, who is predictably positive—“you’ve already been through two major revision rounds,” he says. “Why would they want to schedule a call just to say no?” I know that’s reasonable, but also predictably his optimism ramps up my skeptic-meter and I come up with at least three reasons why he is probably wrong (he likes three-item lists).
Thank goodness I had to survive less than 24 hours of this “it’s good news/no news/bad news” agony. The following day, the decks cleared of kids, work, husband, and with a cup of Earl Grey tea at my elbow I sit at my favorite writing spot, our wooden kitchen table overlooking the back garden, and wait. With admirable punctuality the call comes through and Nicola’s sunny voice immediately conveys that at least this is not an outright “no.” I start pacing, phone pressed hotly to my ear, but still not willing to celebrate. The phrase “we would like to offer you a two-book contract” finally manages to penetrate even the super-powered cautiousness of an ex-financial analyst, and I stop pacing for a minute, trying not to say something dumb, like “Really? You really, really like it?” or “Yippee, hooray!” Homer-Simpson style.
After we hang up I sit down in the garden—I want to savor this feeling for myself, just for a moment before calling my husband (admitting he was right after all…), my best friends, and my amazing, beautiful kids.
I have been writing all my life, both privately and publicly. Publicly I wrote as an academic or financial analyst, but that writing was always detached, critical. Privately I have been making up stories since before I could hold a pencil properly, and historical romance is what I write for myself—my flights of fancy, a kind of meditation-slash-therapy. The thought that after all these years I am allowing myself to share that part of me with others, and that they actually enjoy it…is an indescribable sensation (what an admission for someone presuming to be an author!). As I watch the bees feasting on my jasmine bushes, it starts sinking in—I am finally going to do precisely what I always wanted to do since I was a kid—write stories. I’ve been grinning, inside and out, ever since Nicola’s call. And hard at work on my next Regency romances.
Welcome to Harlequin, Lara!
Lord Crayle’s Secret World
by Lara Temple will be published by Harlequin Historical in March 2016!
Posted in ,
Dear Editor,
I’ve had a few rejections, and every time I get the same feedback, I feel like I’m a broken record. I keep getting told I either have inauthentic or not enough dialogue. I feel like I’ve just hit a brick wall, and can’t quite work out where I’m going wrong, or what exactly I need to do moving forward. Any advice you can give me on how to write effective dialogue would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you,
Dear Natalie,
You are not alone when it comes to the struggles of writing authentic dialogue, or even just getting the right balance between enough of it versus the narrative of the story. So don’t worry! Dialogue is essential in a Romance because it allows the reader to have a direct link with your characters and their voice.
Authenticity
So, when you first start thinking about your hero and heroine,
as well as thinking about where they came from, what has shaped them, what they have to overcome (yes the list of what you have to know about your characters is endless!), why not make a few notes about how they would speak. Are they measured and calculated, thinking in their head first before they speak? Or are they more spontaneous, spilling exactly what they’re thinking first? Do they ever raise their voice when in situations of high stress? Or do they struggle to get the words out when they’re upset or emotional?
Once you’ve mapped out how your characters would speak and what their idiosyncrasies are, as you write, why not try saying what they have to say out loud? It may be embarrassing at first, but the more you do it, the quicker you’ll be able to hear not only if their conversations flow, but if how they’re saying it is authentic to the characters you have created. Keep asking yourself, is this conversation believable?
Just how much is too much?
Secondly, when considering how much dialogue to use, in this instance, sometimes more is better! Not only does it help your readers connect with your characters, but it helps with the pace of the story. More turning points should be revealed through a conversation rather than through the narrative of the story. Readers will instantly see how your characters react, what they’re feeling and what will happen next. For example, nobody wants to the magical moment in the book to be revealed in the third person! ‘And then Marco said I love you,’ it just doesn’t have the same impact as him saying it himself, pouring his emotions out! So why should all the other turning points/black moments or even the more simple moments not be explored through dialogue. Keep thinking to yourself, can my characters say this instead of the narrator? And if the answer is yes, then let them speak for themselves. Ultimately it all comes down to having the confidence to let your characters take over.
And never forget, writing dialogue should always be fun. You have the power to give your characters a voice, enjoy it!
The SOLD Editors x
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We all know everyone loves the rugged, innocence of Outlander’s Jamie Fraser, but bestselling author Linda Lael Miller is here this week to share her crush on another Scottish hero!
My Ultimate Crush has to be Dorothy Dunnett’s inimitable Francis Crawford of Lymond, the hero of The Lymond Chronicles. Francis has it all: good looks, an amazing intellect, physical prowess, and a knack for adventure—a swashbuckling version of James Bond. In fact, the brilliant Ms. Dunnett once told a group of adoring fans, of whom I was one, that Ian Fleming, Bond’s creator, had been one of her husband’s close friends, back in the day, and she’d been inspired, by proximity, I guess, to create a 007-type character and place him in an historical setting. She succeeded admirably, and Francis, patterned after Bond or not, is an unforgettable character in his own right.
Do you have a secret crush on a #HighlandHero? Tell us below in comments or on twitter @HarlequinSYTYCW!
This weekend, we’ve got Harlequin UK Editor
on SOLD to give you her top tip about writing good sex scenes!
Enjoy, and happy writing!
The SOLD Editors x
You guessed it – this weekend’s #WritingChallenge has a royal twist!
Your #WritingChallenge, should you choose to accept it, is…
Your royal hero and heroine have been betrothed since childhood, but they’ve never met. Now it’s their wedding day… what happens next?
We can’t wait to be surprised and enthralled!
Happy Writing!
The SOLD Editors x
Beth Cornelison first sold to Harlequin in 2004. Her Harlequin Romantic Suspense (Intimate Moments) debut was To Love, Honor and Defend and since then, she has written twenty-two books for Harlequin. What she loves most about writing for Harlequin is the loyal and enthusiastic readers. Don’t miss
Follow Beth on and !
1. What book first got you hooked on Harlequin?
A series from the early 1990’s called Sonny’s Girls, especially Erica Spindler’s Longer Than…
2.How did you celebrate selling your first manuscript?
I called family and writer friends to share the happy news, and it seems like chocolate was involved. Lots of chocolate!
3.Which of the many books you’ve written has stayed with you the most and why?
So many have! But I worked in a bit of an homage to my grandmother in The Christmas Stranger, and that book was a finalist in the RWA Rita contest. That book has a sentimental attachment for me.
4.What’s top of your TBR pile?
At the moment, I’m reading books as a judge in the Rita contest but I’m hoping to work in Kristan Higgins’s In Your Dreams. I love her books!
5.What book do you wish you’d written and why?
There are many classics that have stood the test of time: Pride and Prejudice and Gone with the Wind to name a couple, Harry Potter more recently. I’d love to pen a book like these that makes readers fall in love with reading and stands the test of time.
6.What’s harder – first or last lines?
For me, last lines. I really want to leave the reader with a smile and a tug at her heart.
7.How do you choose your characters’ names?
Sometimes I try to find a name with an underlying meaning. I did this in my Bancroft Brides trilogy for the sisters. Other times I just test out names until I find one I like that also fits the character.
8.How do you push through writer’s block?
I’ve been known to write scenes out of order just to be putting words on the page. Music has always been good for my muse as well. It really stirs my imagination and gets the words flowing again!
9.What’s the best career advice you’ve ever had?
Never give up! Read widely and be persistent!
10.Your preferred writing snack?
I chew a lot of mint gum while I write.
11.Who is your favourite fictional couple?
How do I pick just one? I’ll say Claire and Jamie from Outlander, because I’m new to the series and loving it and the TV version airing in the US.
12.If you could rewrite your life, what would you change?
Not much. I am where I am today because of everything that’s happened, and I love my life, my family and my friends!
13.What would your readers be surprised to know about you?
I leave all the adventure and daring to my heroes and heroines. I’m rather a chicken about anything daring!
14.What is your most overused word?
Oh, my…probably “sighed.” Writing suspense, my characters are quite often frustrated with each other and express it by sighing. They also sigh when tired.
15.If I wasn’t a romance author, I would have liked to be…
a public relations specialist. I actually was for a while. That’s what my degree is in.
16.When was the last time you said ‘I love you’?
Today. It is important to tell our family and friends every day!
17.What does love feel like?
Warmth and happiness.
18.What’s your guiltiest pleasure?
Sweets. Especially ice cream. I know it goes straight to my hips, but I love the stuff!
19.What’s your most romantic song?
There are so many romantic ballads that I could name, but I think it depends on the couple, their unique situation and circumstance. The song they first danced to or had played at their wedding would hold the most sentimental meaning. (In other words, I’m drawing a blank on specific titles that I’d call “most romantic.”)
20.Every hero needs a…
strong moral fiber and a respect for his heroine.
We’re talking characters today! This post is from the 2010 New Voices competition. Enjoy!
Creating Characters Readers Will Fall in Love With
Having strong and believable characters in your novel is a must – it’s the best way to gain your readers’ sympathy and keep their interest. More than an exciting plot, clever twist or an exotic location, characters are the reason why we read romantic fiction.
Take inspiration from the world around you. People you know or have known might provide some ideas for interesting personality traits (though only use for inspiration!!). Or you might like to base physical characteristics on someone who caught your eye on the bus, a cute guy who serves your morning coffee… dream a little!
Keep an eye on the news. You’ll often find intriguing characters to inspire you in newspapers, magazines or on the TV. This helps keep your ideas up-to-date.
Create character profiles or biographies. It’s also a good idea to find photos from magazines that you feel most resemble your characters. This might help bring them to life, especially if you’re a very visual person.
Ask questions like: “What do they want?”; “What are they afraid of?”; “What is the worst and best thing that could happen to them?” All this preparation will help make your characters three-dimensional.
Try to write one single defining sentence about your main characters. This is a difficult but useful task, which helps you to focus on your characters.
The most important things to know about your characters are the issues that will drive the story forward. You need to know your characters’ goals.
And remember to avoid character stereotypes – they might be humorous, but they’re dull and can feel like plot devices. The blonde “other-woman” might just have had her day!
The Heroine: She must be someone likeable, someone your readers can identify with. But that doesn’t mean she has to be perfect! We all have flaws and like reading about people who do too.
The Hero: He must be desirable, someone your readers can fall in love with, someone who is so real he almost steps off the page.
Have fun! You get to create new and exciting people to take on an interesting journey – and these characters will be with you for a long time – so enjoy the ride!
Some writers like to write mini-bios for their characters, this certainly doesn’t work for everyone – but it might for you…
Character Check List:
Physical Characteristics
Personality Profile
S self- how others see him/ most defining characteristic.
Current Situation
M food a pets.
B ed former partners. P how th how the problem gets resolved.
Relationships
M colleagues.
Happy writing!
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About SOLD!
We’re the world’s largest romance publisher and we’re going global to find our next new writing star. One lucky winner will be offered a series book contract. Could it be you? Visit
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For more information about writing for Harlequin and how to submit your manuscript, see our .
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