Listen well...will you marry me?
Listen well...will you marry me?
Sunday, January 8, 2006
Ummm yeah. Hey. For one. && for two, i'm lost.Nothings gotten any better, well theres been highs && lows of everyday of my effin life.. but i dont wanna go there.. As long as theres air to breathe i guess i'm gonna be ok right? Well, i'm gonna be okay...&& i know it... i'm just gonna freak out for a little bit more until i get there.. Wise words once said, don't ever take anything for granted..&&..i am! && i can't..i need to sit back && evauluate my life, because why should i spend months && weeks && days && hours && minutes and even seconds fucking crying over something thats not the end of the world.. right? its just not worth it... in my head it is, but in my heart its not && i'm not about to let it all go && take over my little life....i've got much more to live for.. well even though i'm still completely lost, && upset && just dont want to be here anymore... i'm gonna sign this letter with a smile..and go on my way.. &/3 ahh well that was a okay livejournal if i do say so myself.. humph!
Current mood:
Saturday, December 31, 2005
So yeah. This is me, totally quitting life.
So today has been interesting, except for the fact that...MY SO-CALLED BEST FRIEND decided to blow off my plans for today/tonite..MY OTHER SO-CALLED BESTFRIEND decided to run off to wrights farm w/ her paul lol ? idk what to title him as. and now all our plans for the night are fucked cause ERRRRRRRRRRRRR.... && idk i just quit, like i know in like 10 minutes i'm gonna be happy and whatever shits gonna be fine cause i can't stay mad @ whitney for longer then like a minute, and sarah really pissed me off this time soo we'll see when she decides to crawl outta jamies ASS!!! ERrr... My mind is blowing UP... ITs like saying "MEGHAN STOP FUCKING DOING THIS TO ME" && my heart is saying " BITCH KEEP THINKING!!!!" like wtf... isn't this what a minds for...so i'm not like this..confused and fucked in the head. Idk so cinderella fucking lost her shoe for practically GOOD* Idk what she was thinking, but her mind is just as messed up as mine*Idk why our lives are this confuseing*Idk where our prince's are*AND I SURE AS HELL DONT KNOW WHEN THE FUCK OUR HAPPY ENDINGS ARE COMING!&/3&This is my fucking life::&& i'd give up forever, to touch you. your the closest to heaven that i'll ever be. && i dont want to go home right now. And all i can taste is this movieAnd all i can breathe is your liesand sooner or later its over. && i dont want to miss you tonite&& i dont want the world to see me CAUSE I DONT THINK THAT THEY'D UNDERSTAND WHEN EVERYTHING MEANT TO BE BROKEN.. I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW WHO I AM ! && you cant fight the tears that aint comingAnd the moment of truth in your eyesWHEN EVERYTHING FEELS LIKE THE MOVIES& YOU BLEED JUST TO KNOW YOUR ALIVE!!! && i dont want the world to see me CAUSE I DONT THINK THAT THEY'D UNDERSTAND WHEN EVERYTHING MEANT TO BE BROKEN.. I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW WHO I AM !&/b&You know, if everything is really meant to be "BROKEN" i just want you to know who i am. And i'm serious when i say that.. ...Signed,Forever&&ForAlways,Meghan*
Current mood:
I WANT TO BE INVISABLE!
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Soo..its 2:30 in the fucking morning Lmao.. && i'm awake, like usual...&& whitneys not here to keep me company =( that makes me sad, cause that girl is like here everyday of my effin life.. && today shes not.. lol but thats ok.. last nite was amazing, slept @ whits omggg funniest night everrr.. lmao..oreos && caramel kisses because pauL's BOMB! ;) and we love him! ummm.. late night gossip followed by some pillow fights && then some more late night gossip as we all drifted off to la la land. lmao.. go i lvoe lindsay && whitney they roCk my worLd. umm..chilled ALLLLL day && just relaxed felt good to just lay down all day && watch movies.. *NOTE* "The Perfect Man" WICKED GOOD MOVIE! lol.. Deffinitly watching "The devils reject" this weekend. w/).. *UN-NOTE* Moving on. So yeah this weekend should be pretty 'bomb'! if i do say so myself.. Happy New Year cause i'll probably be either too baked OR too drunk to remember to come back && wish you alL that.. lmao. jk jk i wont be.. but this is the girl on the move.. doing big things.. gott alot of decisions that could effect alot of people *&&*things in my life..
(( its been discussed over dinner )) i dont know how to break the news .. but its being discussed amongst the family ((which includes MOTHER && I )) lol.. but i doubt it'll go through but if itdoes, idk its either gonna be a good thing.. new start, new beginning.. Or bad.. Leaving friends &&family && having to start from scratch! but whatever.. we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.. But soo vacation is nearly ending && i'm quit sad but.. means school is almost over (not) lol and yeah.. summers around the corner! But this is me signing off cause its literally 2:30 in themorning && i am beat. &3 &3 .. 'we're stil so young des; I aim to be you eyess.. TROPHY BOY ** TROPHY WIVESSS!!! ' .. srry song of the night.. Yeah for Panic! at the disco.. &3meg
Current mood:
Monday, December 26, 2005
You know... i fucking kill myself for you...your seriously gonna be the fucking death of me. Time && Time again... DAY AFTER DAY... TIME AFTER FUCKING TIME you whipser sweet words, you caress me sweetly, && you love me deeply... and i fall... EVERYTIME... i fall, thinking your gonna catch me && hold me in your arms.. but everytime i sadly mistake myself for a fucking foool. i always end up on my face. laying there drenched in tears. wishing there was someone to pick me up. I'd gi; && you look pass that everytime... I'm nothing to you, i'm not good enough for you, i'll never be... I can never live UP to your expectations... Your just not the same anymore, you've changed uncontrollably.... and i dont knwo where the person i once knew went, but i sure the fuck want him back...soo whenver he's done on vacation, or break, or wherever he is... tell him he's been missed greatly and someone that loves him very much is ineed of his tender love && care. You seriously need to realize, that i love you more then the mooon, and you mean more then the universe to me. And i would give up everything just to be with you. I need to hear those words w/ meaning. But when i sit here and tell you and show you that i would give up the world for you, you give me nothing in return... wait, i lied. You give me ' lets take this day-t0-day ' thats fucked kid, thats like telling me... let me sit you on a shelf... make you look pretty so when i want you, your there, and when i dont i can forget i ever put u up there... Because forgetting is what you do best. And i hate to admit the fact that i need to let you do your thing... and within those words i mean to 'let you go' because hurting, dieing, breaking is just something that i cant live w/ anymore... so you need to open up to me && show me whats up... because i can't deal w/ this day to day shit anymore.. ic an't be your rag doll... i can't be controlled anymore... i need to be loved... caressed... cared for... not thrown around.. broken... && torn apart. If you know it all babe, then tell what to do, because i'm loseing myself within this.. And theres no more joking around this is reality && reality is hurting ... i'm falling apart, and i can't deal w/ any of this anymore.. i have no more answers. i have no more clues... i'm done playing chutes && ladders.. i'm not climbing UP && then falling down the chute.. i can't handle it anymore, my heart can't take anymore... Please remember, please remember.....i was there for you && u were there for me... please remember, our time together....when time was yours && mine, and we were wild && freeand remember...please remember....MEEEEEE!!!!!!!!and we laughed and how smiledand how this world was urs and mineand how no dream was outta reacch&& i stood by you && u stood by me
and no body knows its but me!!! :(
Current mood:
emotional MESS!
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Yay!!! Christmas!!! ...First off, Merry Christmas! lol. Second off, yay for presents! And thrid off, ITS GONNA SNOW! Anyway, so yeah christmas went well..; love love! hehe... Santa was greaatttt to me this year... Gotta love that jolly oLd mother fucker! lol He's quite the man, himself. Ummm...went to nana's, got sarah, wne tback to burrillville, n'd then it broug what! lol. Umm.. good mood, headache right now but good mood. Feel like i got things accomplished today, dont ask me what, cause i have no idea but i just feel ACCOMPLISHEMENT! lol.. god im a sped.But i love it, && you do too...dont lie! BUt i gotta go, nothing to talk about.. just rambleing on...cause i dont feel goodMixed love*bad feelings*hard life*^^ good choice of words YOU* ^^ NEW CELLPHONE... CONTACT ME TOF RTHE NUMBER! ;) only special people get it...if u get it, or have it, YOUR ENVIED BY MANY! ;)
Current mood:
accomplished
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
I dont wanna wait, for our lives to be over... I want to know right now, what will it be...?I dont wanna wait, for our lives to be over...Will it be yes, or will it be...SORRY!?if you only knew..=(
Current mood:
Monday, December 5, 2005
Well...its been interesting...Life is more t; people; and learn a new lesson daily... Every Livejournal i've made on THIS username has been sad, depressing, and upseting..and i'm gonna try and make this happy..cause i am! Bo; but friends are there forever! i learned that quote back in the 7th grade and i'll always remember it.. for one reason...because its true... live by it bitch!) Soo the days have most deffinitly gotten better... and the people in my life are amazing...and i dont know where i would be if they weren't there for me... Because they have deffinitly been through the worse w/ me.. and thanks for never leaving my side... I've los; but i've gained better .. and are liveing w/ the best! Esp*W; Oh my God.. my love of my life* you make me complete kid. You are seriously my twin, we're too much alike its scary. And i'd do anything for ya..thanks for being there... because you've been through it with me... we've deffinitly been through the thick, and we're jst working our way outta the thin right now... thanks for it all... we deserve to smile..and happily ever afters are what were gonna get...even if we have to curb stomp some gumby's along the way... it shall be done... BITCH BEWARE! lol ... thanks ... oh and btw: if it wasn't for you i wouldn't be happy! So theres this boy right, nd hes absloutely adorable..the kind that makes you giggle by just looking you in the eye... the kind that tells you you're beautiful when you feel like your haveing your worse day... the kind that kisses your hand and tells you hee's there... the kind that hugs ya like he's holding on forever... God' ahh...happiness is here i think! ? and its all thanks to Miss. Whitney Allard.. because shes beauitful adn introduced me to probbaly one fo the nicest guys in the world.. and ahhhh i wouldn't be fucking smileing right now if it wasn't for her... =) boy you make me smile...more then anything.. you are prince charming i've wish on that shooting star for... you must be my happily ever after!!!?!?!... i'm your princess && your my prince... thank you for walking into my life.. it makes me x's happier!! and i thank god every moment i'm with you!!!! well enough fo this shit... lol i'm getting a little too happy for my own good, adn i dont want to jinx my happiness... AND ITS SNOWING!!!!! it makes me happy... and to think depression was only a blink away...and its gone...=) thanks ... to you all!! life getting better every minute NOTE TO SELF:: December 2nd, 2005.... &--- =Dand i dont know why, but hes changed my life...when you look at him, hes got me thinking about him constantlybut he don't know how i feel..when he carrys on without a doubt, i wonder what hes thinking abouti'm crazy for this boy...yeah i'm crazy for this boy!...&3 the one and only *meghan*
Current mood:
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Errr..I can't sleep. It's like impossible! It sucks hardcore! So what am i doing, laying in my bed with out a sleepy yawn in feeling, listening to lite rock 105's christmas music...Wishing someone was online that i could talk to.. But i'm just that un-lucky! =( Oh well! I suck, i gotta get up early and run to burrillville help my nana with the turkey, and then rush back here to smithfield to go to work for 10..Boo huh! Thats my life. working 10-2 on thanksgiving, then going back to burrillville for dinner..then coventry to get sarah..then out for alittle, then back to burrillivlle to sleep there and get up EARLY again...to go shopping @ 4 in the morning on friday.. The life i lead huh! lol..you think i would be makeing myself fall asleep right now, right? BUt no..i'm up listening to rudolf the red nose raindeer with my eyes WIDE THE FUCK OPEN!... I think i'm so awa he's on my mind...Constantly, never-ending thought of you!=\ and i don't knwo what to do anymore.. I always said i'm completely outta ideas, thoughts, etc. Well this time i mean it, i kept myself going but i really have NO IDEA WHAT TO DO FROM HERE.. I have no reason to be on this earth at this exact moment because i'm just kinda floating threw life...I'm not having a purpose to be here, cuz i realy don't knwo what to od anymore..You know who ua re please, tell me...what to do? What do YOU want me to do....love you, hate you? I just want to be happy! Smile...seriously. Cry...happily. Laugh...real. Not fake! =\ got any ideas? Well if you do, let me knwo please...When i'm all snuggled under my blankets, comfortably laying in the silence of you and me, its you i want there holding me tightly saying "Meghan, sweet dreams baby, i love you" I want to be a princess...
do i get a happily ever after... ? Love me!
Current mood:
I dont know what to do ! !
Sunday, November 20, 2005
Theres gotta be something more...Then this...Its hurts...everything...But theres gotta be something more...I'm missing osmething here...this isn't just it...and if it is...This is gonna be one long life..If i could fly away, i wouldn't come back no more....i would turn around to see you for the last time...I miss him so much, it hurts! does anybody understand?My hearts breaking, my lifes falling apart, and my head isfull of more lies and truths and love and hate idk what to do!Its like i just wish i could fly away, run away, turn around...Like i wihs i could rewind my life, hang on to the moment whereLife was good, correct the mistakes...But you can't go back in timeand it sucks because you have to fix the present nad work in the future.Damn, mending hearts is harder then bandageing skinned knees...Being a kid, it was just so much easier... was made up ofrideing bikes, and playing baseball, and hockey, and dancing, playing w/ dolls and barbies, playing house, and soccer. Singing@ the top fo your lungs to brittany spear, bwithced, and hanson! Your toughest times when you were little were falling off your bike and needing a bandaid or some stitches...getting stung by bee's.Or Going to the ER to get a cast for your arm. But life now...when your older, living as a teenager...It's more complicatedTheres emotions, and heartach. Skinned knees were replaced w/ broken hearts.Playing hockey & baseball were replaced w/ dateing guysPlaying house was replaced w/ relationshipsSinging at the top of your lungs to BS bwitched and hanson were repalced w/ Saying "ILoveYou" to the one you loved. And falling off your bikes was replaced w/ falling asleep within the arms of a loved one.I miss those days, our worst moments then, are our best moments now.. I miss walking on the beach holding your handI miss running with you along the shore in our bare feet, makeing footprints!I miss laughing with you as tackle me in the sand...I miss kissing you under the stars...I miss swinging with you on the swings at your old elementary school during a snow storm!I miss driving around aimlessly with you on a friday night w/ nothing to do!I miss knowing that your thereBut most of all....I miss knowing that you love me! And care about me! =(Theres no way to correct mistakes, but theres a way to fix the present to make sure they dont happen in the future! Love me? Hate me? Either way...its probably gonna break me! =(Nobody knows it but me...=\ like a clown i put on a showPain is real, even if no body knowsand i'm crying inside!!! -sweets-
Current mood:
idk what do to anymore!
Ever felt like you just want to die, literally slit your wrist and die.I have. and it sucks.Who do i have to run to? No one. ---------------------------------------You really hurt me this time. You fucked me up soo bad. How does that feel? To know, that you tore my heart out...broke it into a million little pieces and left it for dead!! It hurts...Really bad! More then you could ever know...And this time, I don't want to take you back, it would kill me, the doubting the stress would KILL ME, i can't take you back, because it would kill me...and i wouldn't because i'm a good friend. I'm a loving person,that you took advantage of, that you took for granted, and if you can't find it in your heart to love me, then why should i try as hard as i do, or as hard as i've been. It was just never enough for you? Ever! I gave you my heart, my soul, and half my lung! And that just didn't come close to your expectations.. Apparently, they were too high for me, and whoever can reach them...GOOD LUCK! I would like to shake their hand, cause' i did it all... I tried like hell, and in the end...I was left with a broken heart, tears streaming down my face, and a few friends wipeing the tears telling me "I can do better!" "We're here for you no matter what!" Do you ever wonder...where we would be right now if you didn't break up with me in the first place, i have, and i still do. But to you...it was a game, a game you were winning at, and then i snuck up and out ran your longest yard and beat you! Because I always win! You cannot defeat me at the game of life. But you know what, although i won, i lost too. I lost the one i love, the one i would give anything up for, and the one i thought i was suppose to be with for the rest of my life. I lost my bestfriend (you), i lost my partner in crime, and MOST OF ALL i lost my heart. Whenever your done with it, would you mind giving it back? It hurts to say good-bye, but sometimes its for the best. You mean alot to me...Because when i said "I Love You" I meant it, in every act and being of those words. And because of that i'm here to say...Good-B for the last time...I hold back my tears because its weakness in your eyes... Actions Speak MUCH LOUDER then words...&/3IloveYou&/3 &--there just words...I meant it, did you?
&/3 help me ! &/3
Current mood:
Heartbroken!!
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Well..today was quite a day...my heart is seriously going in soo many different directions...and i dont know what to think anymore...life is too confuseing for one mind, someone please tell me why we only got ONE!? its like one heartis that enough to hold your emotions? is it strong enough to be broken? is it ready to withstand lifes greatest obstacles? idk because i don't thinkmine is...it feels so broken that mending isn't even an option..i don't thinktheres anyone out there that can help me fix what my hearts been through, its beenbroken, torn, ripped out, stepped on, spitt on, chewed up, and spit out... Lovinghas got to be one of god greatest obstacels giving to humans..because its a battle you fight daily, non-stop, on-going. and its either good or bad, theres no in-betweenbut i guess thats enough bitching and complaing for one day...well no not yet.Love isn't just about relationships it can mean a ton of different meanings...I'm not only torn and ripped to pieces over shit thats recently happend, but my dads been on my mind lately, and it seems to happen alway around this time of yeari mean go figure, holidays and all..but sometimes it gets too stressful and i dont know whoto run to.. cause' my mom gets all annoyed with it, my friends don't understand even though i knowthey'll be there for me threw thick and thin, no matter what. But no one really truthfully understands what i mean when i say i miss a man i never met. They don't understadn what i'm talking about...it's like saying u love the boy ur gonna marry, u dont know him...eventually u will, and u will love himbut i dont know my dad, eventually and hopefully i will meet him, and love him.. but time can only tellbut i dont wanna rant about this any longer cuz i'm just getting myself aggravated over the fact that i cann't sit on ym dads lap once again this christmas and say i love you daddy, or recieve a cardfrom him, or even have him come to one of my cheer. competions...i'm so glad for my mom, and my bestfriendssarah and brennan, i don't knwo where i would be with out them, pulling me threw everyday! But all i'd like to say is that i miss you...i miss you dadd...i miss you man ive never met, one day i'll meet you.. you can take it or leave it...you haven't been there from the start so meeting u and moving past u wont be hard either... Forgive, forget, and move on.. and thats what ill do...but it sucks to knwo i have 2 sisters and brother i've never met...i miss them, is it possibble that i miss them? GOD I"M SO CONFUSEDDDD errrr... Do you think about me everydayDo you care as much as one can sayHow can i miss a man i never knewWho would of thought it would be you How could you leave me all aloneWithout a man to call my ownA little girl without a dadWishing she could have hadThe chance to be 'daddys little girl'But the days have come and gone so fastLoving you would never last..I wish you would walk into my lifeI'd love you no matter what, i wouldn't think twiceA little heart shattered into a million piecesBeing daddys little girl is only a dream, a wish, a heartache._daddy's little girl_By me* *dedicated:. i miss you dad...joe...and my 2 sisters and brother i dont know* i'm thinking about you... =(*megz*
Current mood:
Hey guys... haven't been on this in a while, i changed my livejournal name because the other one had alot of memories on it, i kinda fucked up the layout so i just quite trying but that live journal name is troublemakerr &---if you wanna look ... Sooo..its been quite teh past couple of months...but i'm nto gonna rant and rave about it...Lifes slowly picking back up... i miss the old days, but their coming back around...but thats about it...Today i went to schoolf or ONE PERIOD lol (i rock)danced till 3...god our dance team rocks, cuz we're the best hip hoppers around... lol... and then cam ehome and went to my nana's lovein ittttttttttt! &3 ...she made me dnner and i stayed there till liek 11.. talking.. i miss talking to her, i never ealized how much i could actually talk to her about... its amazing! but anway now i'm here laying in my bed.. but i'm gonna go i'll tell you about it later2-15-04...itsnevergoodbyeitsc-you-later!&3`meghan*
Current mood: