What if I Never Get Married? The Feared Call of Singleness
on Monday, February 27, 2012 & &
“If God calls me to singleness, I’m not answering,” my sister said to me.
I remember when a well-meaning woman told me rather callously I needed to stop ‘being boy crazy’ and know that God might never give me a husband. Can we stop telling people they might be called to singleness?
After my post,
I received several emails, comments, and messages–but many circling around this question: What if I never meet anyone and stay single? What if singleness is God’s plan for me?
Many will disagree, but if you are married, it’s never a good idea to tell someone single that they might never meet someone. That God might call them to ‘singleness’ as if he also might call them to endure cancer. {Because singleness does feel like cancer to many!}
Is it the truth? Yes. Sometimes God asks women and men to remain single for the purpose of glorifying him in their singleness. For me, it feels callous and lacking compassion to tell someone that their worst case scenario might come true. Yes, marriage might not be in the cards. But it’s important to speak the truth in love, and I believe we are missing the truth we desire to communicate.
Let me explain. A mother learns she’s pregnant for the first time. She and her husband are ecstatic and start telling people when the baby is just 4 weeks old.
You pull her aside in her elation and inform her, “Just so you know…your child may die before reaching kindergarten. That may be God’s plan. So don’t place all your hope in the life inside you.”
Is it true? Absolutely. Some children tragically, especially in early stages of pregnancy.
Might it be God’s plan? Yes. You can find scripture to back it up. (David and Bathsheba’s child didn’t survive despite fervent prayer and fasting). Should the mother not place all her hope in the life inside her stomach? 100%. Anything we place all our hope in besides Christ will let us down. But even if your statement represents truth, communicated in a careless way it can be damaging. Same with this ‘God calling you to singleness’ truth that is creeping up in Christian circles recently. Truth? Possibly. Helpful? No.
I suggest we communicate the truth in a different light. Instead of dwelling on or telling someone that “God may call you to singleness”–which is always the exception not the norm–what if we talked about contentment and trusting God with the future?
I don’t want to give false hope. Not everyone reading this post will find a spouse, just like none of us are guaranteed a job or kids or even a long life. While God promises to give us the desires of our hearts, he is not Santa Claus.
Truths about Singleness:
Singleness is always an exception, not a norm. If you look at Bible as a whole, the main verse people use to discuss this call to singleness is 1 Corinthians 7. But did you know Paul was writing during a time of great distress? There was a famine in Greece and great persecution. Some
say Paul was writing of a temporary exception to marriage because of the circumstances.
God promises to give us the desires of our hearts. This doesn’t translate into ‘right now’, but He’ll either give you a husband or change your desire.
For most of my readers, His answer is yes, but not right now. We have to WAIT for His best. Don’t start dating
Statistically speaking, you are more likely to get divorced than never get married. For the sake of your heart and the future of your children, choose wisely!
God is a good Dad, who is . His plan often includes long periods of waiting and seasons of confusion and doubt–but it always ends with being face to face with the Savior who died for us.
Marriage does not solve all your problems. A spouse cannot and will not complete you. There will always be idols competing for your heart. False Gods promising to save.
I pray you continue to love mercy and walk with God whether or not a husband is on the horizon. Marriage is the greatest blessing. But you don’t want to do with the wrong person.
What are your thoughts on the singleness epidemic occurring in Christian circles? Is singleness the norm or the exception? How have you dealt with your singleness?
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Great post, I very much needed to hear this today! I am in the annoying situation of knowing I am not ready for marriage yet, yet being fed up of my singleness and that it may last forever.
I think singleness is the exception, as God did create us with the desire for a spouse. And yet I know many godly men and women who are in their thirties and are still single (and not by choice). It doesn’t seem to make sense!
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