二模英语作文复习
When Haze Hit Shanghai
&& Last week, a terrible haze
hit Shanghai. Some small solids floating in the air were seen
everywhere, and the whole city was covered with the gray air. I was
at school as usual. Due to the bad air condition, I got a sore
throat. I felt more depressed and uncomfortable as the haze became
thicker. As citizens in Shanghai, we should not only protect
ourselves from the haze, but try our best to improve the air
quality as well. Numerous things can be done, such as planting more
trees and stopping playing fireworks. The more we change, the more
we get. I’m greatly assured that the air in Shanghai can be clean
点评：本次的题目是When Haze Hit Shanghai.
因为题目用了过去时态，所以学生在写文章时一定要注意全文的时态。从文章内容来看，应该从三方面着手进行论述：第一， What did
you do when the haze hit Shanghai? 第二，How did you feel at that
time? 以及第三拓展部分 What does it make you think of?
该同学在构思文章内容时非常好地注意到了这三点，并且在文章中进行了非常详细的论述。
最出彩的部分是在文章末尾联系到了我们应该做什么来保护环境。 从文章语言来看，该学生用了大量的考纲短语，如： be covered
with, try one’s best, due to, protect..from等等，
从句型结构看，该学生用到了时间状语从句，比较状语从句，宾语从句等。该篇文章句型结构多变，几乎没有语法错误，内容完整，多见好词好句，是一篇值得推荐的好文章。
Last week when the haze hit Shanghai, I was doing my homework at
home. Through the windows I couldn’t see the buildings in our
neighborhood clearly, and everything outside was grey. I was
surprised to see the haze at first, but soon I became worried.
There was no doubt that our environment was being seriously
polluted. How hard it was to see the blue sky in Shanghai! I
realized we should protect the environment at once. As a student,
we can do some simple things like planting more trees and helping
clean the community. I believe if everyone would like to do
something for the environment, we can say goodbye to the haze
sooner or later.
点评：本次的题目是When Haze Hit Shanghai.
因为题目用了过去时态，所以写文章时一定要注意全文需要用过去时。从文章内容来看，
该同学的作文涵盖了文章所需的三方内容，在文章用对于雾霾来时的描写非常细致。该生在文章末尾能联系保护环境，并且提出了人人参与保护的号召。
从文章语言来看，该学生用了大量的短语和不同的句型结构，如：be surprised to do, there is no doubt
that…, at once。该篇文章句型结构不算复杂，但衔接过渡自然，几乎没有语法错误，内容完整，是一篇值得推荐的好文章。
Recommend a place to “Where are we going,
Dear editor,
I do love watching the program and I am really happy to
recommend Beijing as your next destination. Here are my two
reasons. First, the Great Wall is a famous scenic spot in Beijing.
I believe fathers and their children can have a great time there.
During the climbing, fathers can encourage and teach children to be
tough and independent. More importantly, with their father's help,
they can persist until the end. Secondly, there are a lot of other
historical places such as the Forbidden city and the Summer palace.
Fathers and children can learn a lot about ancient China and our
traditions there. I hope that you can take my suggestion and wish
your show become more popular.
点评：本次的题目是需要学生为爸爸去哪儿的节目推荐一个地点。其实本篇文章有点像写My favorite place
不过在内容上必须要注意到学生所推荐的地点一定是要符合亲子游和节目特点的。该同学在构思文章内容时非常好地注意到了这点，在文章开始的时候先说明自己非常爱看节目，这样推荐地点变得顺其自然，在推荐地点的时候，该学生附加了两个理由，并且两个理由都是与父子一起活动有关。在文章末尾该学生非常自然地希望对方能够接纳自己的意见并且他希望节目越来越受欢迎。
从文章语言来看，该学生用了不同的短语结构和句型结构，在过渡承接时，学生也适切地使用了，first, more importantly,
secondly 等，文章承接自然，内容完整，句式多变且灵活使用短语，是一个值得推荐的美文。
2014松江一模范文
Dear Li Hua,
Thanks for your letter. You asked me how to learn English well. Now
I am going to give you some advice. First, memorizing new words is
the most important thing if you want to learn English well, you can
divide the new words into groups according to the meanings.
Thinking about the connections between words may help you to
remember them. Secondly, speaking is also an important part of
learning English. If you have a chance to go abroad, it is really a
good chance for you to improve your speaking skill. You can also
listen to the English radio to practise speaking English. Finally,
reading English newspapers and books is a wonderful way to further
your English. Looking up the words which you don’t know in the
dictionary if necessary. I believe that you will be surprised at
your progress after you do what I have said.
点评：本篇作文是要求作者给李华写一封信，介绍一下学习英语的方法。本篇作文思路清晰，不落俗套，适当的添加了一些词汇和地道的英语表达并进一步丰富了句式，使得全文更加流畅。比如：according
to, thinking about the connections between
等等，对于一个水平中上的同学来说是难能可贵的。
2013徐汇二模
Today Mr. Jones introduced some school rules. There are quite a
few differences between Chinese school rules and American school
rules. For example, the first and the most important different
difference I think is Chinese schools take more care about
students’ scores. But American schools think communication and
thoughts are much more important than marks. I think the students
who study in American schools may be better at communication than
Chinese students. At last, I think Chinese schools should learn the
rules from American schools.
Today is my first day in new school in New York. Everything
becomes different but familiar to me besides the school rules.
According to Mr. Jones everyone must get to school on time and we
must wear uniforms every day. It doesn’t difficult for me because
the rules in China are the same as these. The headmaster encouraged
us to ask our teachers for help if we have any trouble. How kind
they are! This is different from Chinese schools. The schools in
New York care more about students’ feelings, not only the marks but
also their daily life. I wish and believe I will have a good time
in this new school.
Today is my first day in the new school in New York. I find
quite a few differences about Dos and Don’ts between Chinese
schools rules and American school rules. For example, the American
school rules include calling teachers with “Mr.” or “Ms”. But in
China, there isn’t the rule about this. And in America students
should be active thinkers in the classroom. However, in Chinese
schools we don’t have this rule. From those, I think American
schools pay more attention& to making students be
active thinkers and be polite. And the Chinese students don’t have
enough choices to create new ideas.
Today Mr. Jones are different from the Chinese school rules. For
example, in America asking teachers for help and being an active
thinker in the classroom are rules, but in China they are not. I
think this is why American students are more active on learning.
According to American school rules students also need to respect
others. They tell students not only to be a good student but also
to be a good child. I think Chinese should learn a lot from the
American school rules.
Doing sports is good for teens
As the old saying goes ‘Life lies in sports.’ I am fond of doing
sports because I like the feeling of sweating and laughing. Of all
the sports, I like playing volleyball best. Nowadays, an increasing
number of teenagers have to work pretty hard and they feel tired
because of the stress of study. Sports have the great magic which
can make teenagers feel relaxed. Teenagers can do some aerobic
exercise, such as running, swimming, etc. No one can deny the fact
that it is good for teenagers to do sports. Doing sports makes
teenagers healthy. Doing sports has a lot of advantages, so I think
we should appeal to teenagers for doing sports happily.
点评：本题为当下比较流行的话题，同学对此都比较了解，通过审题，很快就能有话可说，本文的小作者很有想法，写出了自己的真实感受，以自己的切身感受介绍运动带来的好处，当然，由于作者的水平有限，更多的还是在引用一些好词好句，全文显得不是很流畅，但总的来说还是不错的。
How to be a good learner?
Nowadays, people expected to achieve good grades, so it’s
essential, particularly for us students, to learn about how to be a
good learner. Here I’d like to share my suggestions.
It goes without saying that listening to teachers carefully
and taking down notes in class is the first step, yet it’s far from
enough. To increase efficiency, we should go over what we’ve
learned as often as possible after class. If we are tired of
sitting at the desk or reading books, instead of having snacks and
drinks, it’s a good idea to go outside. Do sports and breathe fresh
However, these tips won’t work if we have no enthusiasm for
our study. So, be positive! Hope everyone can get great progress in
the near future.
点评：这篇文章思路清晰、行文流畅、词汇丰富、句式多变，不失为一篇难得的优秀习作。作者用了较多的复合句，有不少的好词好句，如It
goes without saying，far from
enough。同时，最后一段点出“然而，如果没有学习热情的话，所有的方法都是无效的”精辟而又有新意。
Let’s play sports!
Just as the old saying “life lies in sports” suggests, it’s of
great importance for everyone to play sports and keep healthy.
As for me, basketball has always been my favourite. I play
basketball quite frequently with my friends, about an hour every
day. It requires not only a lot of intense sprinting bust also good
teamwork. Besides, I go swimming once a week for two hours with my
In fact, I always feel refreshed and energetic after each game
because of the excitement of being part of it, which is the real
charm of sports’
Let’s play sports and appreciate the most valuable gift given to
us &good health.
本篇文章思路清晰，结构合理，作者以一句谚语表明自己的观点， 接下来用自己的事例来证明自己的观点，在解释的过程中，not
only, but also 的运用十分老道。文中定语从句的运用揭示了了运动的魅力。
结尾作者倡导大家一起做运动并升华为了健康，同时点题，首尾呼应。是点睛之笔。
关于看图写话
My view on this picture
It is a common phenomenon in society that more and more students
are asked to have various classes during summer holiday. As is
showed in the picture, parents are ready to arrange everything for
the boy although he has a strong wish to play basketball to have
In my humble opinion（以我之拙见）, this phenomenon isn’t good. On one
hand, children will have no time to do their favourite things and
become “dull children”. Too much attention paid on their children
will cause them to rely too much on their parents. They may lose
themselves and end up in failure. On the other hand, parents have
their own jobs as well. If they are bothered with their children’s
various kinds of problems all the time, they can’t work
attentively. Despite their efforts to make their only child be
best, they do no goods to the growth of their child.
In summary, It’s advisable for parents to leave something to be
done by their children and make them free and independent.
There was a discussion in a newspaper recently. It was about a
picture. A boy wanted to play basketball in summer vacation, while
his parents forced him to have after-class tutoring classes. How
disappointed he was!
The meaning of the picture was deep, though it was such a simple
one. It’s a big problem whether we should take after-class tutoring
classes or not. In my opinion, both relaxation and after-class
tutoring classes help us go over our lessons and improve our
understanding of what we have learned. On the other hand,
relaxation, like playing basketball, can relieve our stress after
busy study. Also, it can keep us in good health. As a saying goes,
all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All in all, we should keep the balance between the two
activities. It’s not proper to take after-class tutoring classes
without relaxation or spend all time relaxing. Why not have
something active after study?
Imagine this scene: a little child is holding a basketball in
his hands and he wants to play basketball i
but his parents take no care of his feelings, they are blocking the
basket board and waving two plates which say “Summer extended
learning program” and “training course” in their hands.
I saw this comic which accurately told the true situation of
summer holidays nowadays. Summer holiday ought to be good chances
for students to relax, but parents are filling them uo with lots of
training courses and extended learning program, which rob students
of their rest time, They have to study throughout two months. It’s
rather like another form of school terms but not like
holidays.……
The true meaning of growing up
We are imperceptibly growing up. Our understanding of growing up
is also increasing.
When I was ten, I felt I had grown up already. At that time, I
thought simply behaving like an adult meant growth.
Two years later, my opinion of growing up changed. In my mind,
sharing responsibility for parents was essential. I helped my mum
with housework and didn’t make her angry very often.
At present at the age of fourteen, I started to do everything
bravely as well as being responsible for what I did. And I can
control my mood in some ways.
In a word, growing up is a process of improving our
understanding of life and getting along with other people
My grandpa passed away last summer holiday. He was such a silent
man and he chose a quiet way to leave us at last.
I still remember the temperature last summer was very high but
my heart was extremely cold. I tried my best to memorize the time
we spent with him. However, the feeling has changed a lot.
My grandma wasn’t lonely or sad. Instead, she smiles and
prepared fresh food for my grandpa every day as he was still alive
with us. She always said without any sadness, “A cup of wine and a
dish of food is your grandpa’s favourite.”
I know that my grandma has a strong heart and I have no reason
to cry because she was peaceful as a wife.
The days with my grandparents are the most precious for me. I
should let the sadness to immediately instead of missing the past
when I lost them. Life is still going on. I should share the
responsibility with my grandma. It’s time for me to grow up.
The most important thing is the time spending with you. Never
looking back and going ahead is the true meaning of growing for
What do you think of Owning a Private Car?
In my opinion, it’s never a good idea to own a private car.
Though owning cars is quite convenient, it has several
disadvantages. First, cars lead to air pollution as well as make
the greenhouse effect even worse. Some of the gases which come from
cars may cause acid rain. In this way, people ought to feel guilty
to drive cars. Second, too many cars is the main cause of traffic
jams, especially during the rush hours. People sound their horns
all the time on their ways home. Weak people can’t stand such
noises. Last but not least, thousands of people die of car
accidents every year. Therefore, people should struggle to take
public transports as often as possible. I believe that there will
be less pollution, fewer traffic jams and car accidents in the near
future. Do you agree with me?
作者在整篇文章中用较为成熟的想法和流畅的语句表达了她对“拥有私车”的真实看法。文章整体布局合理，结构清晰，连接词运用恰当，并恰当地运用了一些最近所学的比较地道的词组和句型，使文章更具有文采。
learnt from a sports meeting
My PE marks had been very poor. But after a
sports meeting which our school held, everything had changed.
Before the 1000-race, I felt extremely nervous because I wasn’t
good at running. With a shot, the race began. All my classmates
were cheering for me. The competition was so close that I was much
more nervous. I was falling behind the others. I almost fell down
when I was trying to run faster. But after that, there was nothing
in my mind except to run as fast possible. Just when I was near the
finishing line, my legs gave out. I encouraged myself to go on. To
my surprise, I was the first to cross the finishing line! From the
sports meeting, I learnt that sometimes things are not so difficult
as they seem to be. Just try your best without fear and you might
be surprised at the result.
世外初三英语范文点评
优秀习作1&
上海市世界外国语中学&
Write a passage of at
least 60 words on the topic “Habits”.
Good habits are foundations on our way to success, while bad ones
get in the way and hold us back. To begin with, good habits help us
work more efficiently. If we get into the habit of tidying up our
rooms, we will find it easy to obtain the things we need. Moreover,
good habits leave others positive impressions. Showing our warm
smiles is a habit which enables us to get along with our classmates
and teachers well. On the other hand, bad habits can be
destructive. Lots of people develop lung cancer just because of
their habits of smoking. As you can see, habits really make a
difference in our lives.
本文开门见山陈述观点，说理清晰。能运用举例对比等手法使本文观点更具说服力，如通过整理房间、微笑和吸烟三个习惯的后果正反两方举例，体现出小作者思维的宽度和缜密度。
从语言驾驭能力看，本文句式丰富，语言流畅，既善于活用考纲词组如 “get into the habit of”，又有如“leave others positive
impressions”等地道的表达，既有较复杂的主从复合句，又有短小有力的简单句，错落有致，一气呵成。
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优秀习作2&
In the box you can find an energy-saving lightbulb. They all come
from 2014. By holding the little bulb in your hand, you can sense
its smooth, transparent glass-made shell, which is of oval shape.
Inside the shell, some metal-made wires tangle with each other in a
regular order. This is used to enable electricity to pass through
the whole bulb to provide energy. Attach the bulb to a base and
then turn on the switch, you’ll find the little bulb lighting up
the dark room. Another characteristic of it is that it saves more
energy than other kinds of bulbs. So this lightbulb is
“green”.
此篇作文题来自牛津9B第二单元课后Writing练习，它的内容是向未来2040年的人们写一封信，介绍一件我们这个时代所用的物品。作文题材是学生平时不常操练的说明文。
本文作者选取了节能灯泡作为对象。在描述过程中，她首先对灯泡的外形进行了细致的描写，从光滑、椭圆型的玻璃外壳，到内部互相缠绕在一起的金属丝。继而写到当电流通过，灯泡会照亮房屋的功能。最后还不忘介绍此种灯泡的特殊之处在于比起其它灯泡，它“节能环保”的特点。
全文脉络清晰，描写细腻、形象、生动，句式丰富，语言流畅，衔接自然，结构紧凑。充分体现了作者的语言表达能力，是一篇很好的说明文范例。
优秀习作3&
全文结构清晰，层次分明，衔接流畅。本文从内容来看观点新颖、构思巧妙，以”being laughed at”被动语态的结构体现作者内心的不情愿，紧扣题目中的angry。作者侧重对于第二个问题的回答，以生动、细腻的文笔描写了站在黑板前的心理活动，让人读来有生临其境之感。而在结尾，作者不忘传播一丝正能量，驱赶了这个作文题可能带来的负面情绪。本文的内涵和语言都反映出作者的语言驾驭能力，以开头”There are few things … more … than
…”来看，作者有丰富的语言积淀和极强的语言运用能力，因而全篇行文流畅，句式丰富，用词精准。本文值得初三学生学习借鉴。
优秀习作4&
该篇文章开宗明义，点名文章意图。从内容上看，从杂志包罗万象，开拓读者视野；到杂志放松读者心情；再谈到杂志携带方便可以随时取阅等优点，清晰详实地表达出了作者的观点。文章结尾再次点题，全文简短却简练，切题又精炼。从语言而言，作者具有较强的语言功底，能够熟练运用多样的句式和词组，如meanwhile, since, in brief, provide
with等，使文章更富有变化和可读性。语句之间衔接通畅，用词准确自然。词汇量丰富，如wisdom, diversity, opportunity,
laughter等。如果文章能在三点优点前用明显的词汇加以区分，如first, furthermore, what’s
more等，能使其更加一目了然。
优秀习作5&&
上海市世界外国语中学&
有人说：“播种行为，收获习惯；播种习惯，收获命运。”对这种说法你怎么看？请以“习惯”为题写一篇60-80字的作文，谈谈你的观点。
本文语言简练流畅，表达自然。句型句式较多样灵活。
本文开门见山地给出观点:
习惯在我们日常生活中占据着非常重要的位置。我们应该养成好习惯改掉坏习惯。之后给出习惯何以重要的理由，并且以举例子的形式来辅助强调好习惯养成的重要性。最后一句总结首尾呼应，再次点题，全文虽短，却流畅通顺，一气呵成。
优秀习作6&&
上海市世界外国语中学&
以上网友发言只代表其个人观点，不代表新浪网的观点或立场。