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喜迎迎婚礼策划是一家专注于：主题婚礼、创意婚礼、定制婚礼的专业婚礼策划团队。一支热爱婚礼事业，有着婚礼梦想的爱心团队；一支“用心”打造“品质”婚礼 一 值得新人100%信任的优秀策划团队！ 喜迎迎婚礼策划，只为有婚礼梦想的你 ~"I'm not buying anything Malfoy thinks is good," said Harry flatly.The corporal had not anticipated the request, and he was a little startled by it. Instantly his mind reverted to the conversation he had had with Rayner. He recalled the hopes which the latter entertained, and wondered if this white-faced girl at his side was willing to help their realization. As that possibility flashed into his mind, he was conscious of a constriction about his heart. But he gave no sign."When I was studying geography," said the planter, "I knew of Wisconsin simply as the name of a tribe of Indians. How many men are there in a regiment?""THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE DIED!" roared Black. "DIED RATHER THAN
BETRAY YOUR
FRIENDS, AS WE WOULD HAVE DONE FOR YOU!"good wizard, I doubt he can tell one potion from --"“Your slave Missandei.” Jhiqui had a taper in her hand.Lord Tywin dead. This changes all. “My lord, will you grant me leave to send a raven to the Wall? His Grace will want to know of Lord Tywin’s death.”“Oh, of course! I was not thinking of the Mounted service. I am a stranger in the Nor’-West—” Bracknell had already divined that such must be the case, but he did not say so. He laughed lightly, and made his wants known.My father awakened, and he said, “It is near dark, and the Bird of Gold will not come now. Perhaps we will find her on another day. The King should reward us for our search, and now we will go and tell him of it.” T Harry, like Hermione, was trying not to listen to
the rumble of voices behind them. Ron stopped again."I have gone temporarily deaf and haven't any idea what you said. Harry," said
Dumbledore, twiddling his thumbs and staring at the ceiling.disappearance. "Me cousin Fergus does it just to annoy me, you wait till I can do it Harry stared at him.Viserys would have his head off for that insolence. “I am the blood of the dragon. Do not presume to teach me lessons.” When Dany stood, the lion pelt slipped from her shoulders and tumbled to the ground. “Leave me.”Vivien came down from the tower. “It is Zabulun who comes to our island in chase of these[Pg 155] two, my Vivien,” Merlin said. “Now you shall see me match my power with Zabulun’s.”The child smiled. “Men, they are the children.”"Potter ..." he said slowly, "you didn't happen, by any chance, to see who broke into Snapes office, did you? On this map, I mean?" "Er . . . yeah, I did . . ." Harry admitted. "It was Mr. Crouch." Moodys magical eye whizzed over the entire surface of the map. He looked175"Tea?" Harry asked him. "Coffee? Pumpkin juice?" "Anything," said Ron glumly, taking"OY!" Ron roared, seizing his bag as Crookshanks sank four sets of claws
deep inside it and began tearing ferociously. "GET OFF, YOU STUPID
ANIMAL!""Thought Dumbledore said you weren' allowed inside the school anymore," said
Hagrid, frowning slightly as he got off the slightly squashed skrewt and started
tugging it over to its fellows.The entrance hall was packed with students too, all milling around waiting for
eight o'clock, when the doors to the Great Hall would be thrown open. Those
people who were meeting partners from different Houses were edging through the
crowd trying to find one another. Parvati found her sister, Padma, and led her over
to Harry and Ron.The next door was made of rusty iron. Behind it was a flight of wooden steps. Dolorous Edd led the way with his lantern. Up top they found a tunnel as long as Winterfell’s great hall though no wider than the wormways. The walls were ice, bristling with iron hooks. From each hook hung a carcass: skinned deer and elk, sides of beef, huge sows swinging from the ceiling, headless sheep and goats, even horse and bear. Hoarfrost covered everything.“I know about the promise,” insisted the girl. “Maester Theomore, tell them! A thousand years before the Conquest, a promise was made, and oaths were sworn in the Wolf’s Den before the old gods and the new. When we were sore beset and friendless, hounded from our homes and in peril of our lives, the wolves took us in and nourished us and protected us against our enemies. The city is built upon the land they gave us. In return we swore that we should always be their men. Stark men!”西北望婚礼策划公司subject is of the utmost importance!"261116131"Jordan!""Maybe he didn't dare mess with the potion with Dumbledore watching him!" said Harry."So what are you saying?" said Ron, looking very tense. "You want to - to kill Black or something?"234您当前的位置 ：&&&&&&&正文
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with the charge of these communications, put into my hands two slips 。
Louis, his wooden leg, his white moustaches, and his noble countenanc。
soon withdrawn. When my father spoke, it was not only to bring our tw。
of our iron roads! Thus all unite together,
roy us, not leave us an appeal to the law or to the throne." Placing h。
to take them to his master. He was then about to read these accusatio。
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familiar by report at least with the merciless vengeance of cowards. 。
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Who Was She?
From The Atlantic Monthly, September, 1874.
Come, now, there may as well be an end of this! Every time I meet youreyes squarely, I detect the question just slipping out of them. Ifyou had spoken it, or e if you had shown in yourmotions the least sign of a fussy or fidgety c ifthis were not the evening of my birthday, and you the only fri if confession were not good for the soul, though harderthan sin to some people, of whom I am one--well, if all reasons were notat this instant converged into a focus, and burning me rather violently,in that region where the seat of emotion is supposed to lie, I shouldkeep my trouble to myself.
Yes, I have fifty times had it on my mind to tell you the whole story.But who can be certain that his best friend will not smile--or, whatis worse, cherish a kind of charitable pity ever afterward--whenthe external forms of a very serious kind of passion seem trivial,fantastic, foolish? And the worst of all is that the heroic part which Iimagined I was playing proves to have been almost the reverse. Theonly comfort which I can find in my humiliation is that I am capable offeeling it. There isn't a bit of a paradox in this,but I only mention it, now, to prepare you for, maybe, a little morbidsensitiveness of my moral nerves.
The documents are all in this portfolio under my elbow. I had just readthem again completely through when you were announced. You may examinethem as you like afterward: for the present, fill your glass, takeanother Cabana, and keep silent until my &ghastly tale& has reached itsmost lamentable conclusion.
The beginning of it was at Wampsocket Springs, three years ago lastsummer. I suppose most unmarried men who have reached, or passed, theage of thirty--and I was then thirty-three--experience a milder returnof their adolescent warmth, a kind of fainter second spring, sincethe first has not fulfilled its promise. Of course, I wasn't clearlyconscious of this at the time: who is? But I had had my youthful passionand my tragic disappointment, as you know: I had looked far enough intowhat Thackeray used to call the cryptic mysteries to save me from theScylla of dissipation, and yet preserved enough of natural nature tokeep me out of the Pharisaic Charybdis. My devotion to my legal studieshad already brought m the paternal legacy was agood nest-egg for the incubation of wealth--in short, I was a fair,respectable &party,& desirable to the humbler mammas, and not to bedespised by the haughty exclusives.
The fashionable hotel at the Springs holds three hundred, and it waspacked. I had meant to lounge there for a fortnight and then finish myholidays at Long B but eighty, at least, out of the three hundredwere young and moved lightly in muslin. With my years and experienceI felt so safe that to walk, talk, or dance with them became simply aluxury, such as I had never--at least so freely--possessed before. Myname and standing, known to some families, were agreeably exaggerated tothe others, and I enjoyed that supreme satisfaction which a man alwaysfeels when he discovers, or imagines, that he is popular in society.There is a kind of premonitory apology implied in my saying this, I amaware. You must remember that I am culprit, and culprit's counsel, atthe same time.
You have never been at Wampsocket? Well, the hills sweep around ina crescent, on the northern side, and four or five radiating glens,descending from them, unite just above the village. The central one,leading to a waterfall (called &Minne-hehe& by the irreverent youngpeople, because there is so little of it), is the fashionabl but the second ravine on the left, steep, crooked, andcumbered with bowlders which have tumbled from somewhere and lodged inthe most extraordinary groupings, became my favorite walk of a morning.There was a footpath in it, well-trodden at first, but gradually fadingout as it became more like a ladder than a path, and I soon discoveredthat no other city feet than mine were likely to scale a certain roughslope which seemed the end of the ravine. With the aid of the toughlaurel-stems I climbed to the top, passed through a cleft as narrow as adoorway, and presently found myself in a little upper dell, as wild andsweet and strange as one of the pictures that haunts us on the brink ofsleep.
There was a pond--no, rather a bowl--of hardlytwenty yards across, yet the sky in it was so pure and far down thatthe circle of rocks and summer foliage inclosing it seemed like a littleplanetary ring, floating off alone through space. I can't explain thecharm of the spot, nor the selfishness which instantly suggested thatI should keep the discovery to myself. Ten years earlier I should havelooked around for some fair spirit to be my &minister,& but now--
One forenoon--I think it was the third or fourth time I had visited theplace--I was startled to find the dent of a heel in the earth, half-wayup the slope. There had been rain during the night and the earth wasstill moist and soft. It was the mark of a woman's boot, only to bedistinguished from that of a walking-stick by its semicircular form. Alittle higher, I found the outline of a foot, not so small as to awakean ecstasy, but with a suggestion of lightness, elasticity, and grace.If hands were thrust through holes in a board-fence, and nothing of theattached bodies seen, I can easily imagine that some would attract andothers repel us: with footprints the impression is weaker, of course,but we cannot escape it. I am not sure whether I wanted to find theunknown wearer of the boot within my precious personal solitude: I wasafraid I should see her, while passing through the rocky crevice, andyet was disappointed when I found no one.
But on the fiat, warm rock overhanging the tarn--my special throne--laysome withering wild-flowers and a book! I looked up and down, right andleft: there was not the slightest sign of another human life than mine.Then I lay down for a quarter of an hour, and listened: there were onlythe noises of bird and squirrel, as before. At last, I took up the book,the fiat breadth of which suggested only sketches. There were, indeed,some tolerable studies of rocks and tree a fewnot very striking caricatures, which seemed to have been commenced asportraits, but recalled no faces I then a number of fragmentarynotes, written in pencil. I found no name, only,under the sketches, a monogram so complicated and laborious that theinitials could hardly be discovered unless one already knew them.
The writing was a woman's, but it had surely taken its character fromcertain features of her own: it was clear, firm, individual. Ithad nothing of that air of general debility which usually marks themanuscript of young ladies, yet its firmness was far removed from thestiff, conventional slope which all Englishwomen seem to acquire inyouth and retain through life, I don't see how any man in my situationcould have helped reading a few lines--if only for the sake of restoringlost property. But I was drawn on and on, and finished by reading all:thence, since no further harm could be done, I reread, pondering overcertain passages until they stayed with me. Here they are, as I set themdown, that evening, on the back of a legal blank:
&It makes a great deal of difference whether we wear socialforms as bracelets or handcuffs.&
& &&&&Can we not still be wholly our independent selves, evenwhile doing, in the main, as others do? I but they are married.&
& &&&&The men who admire these bold, dashing young girls treatthem like weaker copies of themselves. And yet they boast ofwhat they call 'experience'!&
& &&&&I wonder if any one felt the exquisite beauty of the noonas I did to-day? A faint appreciation of sunsets and stormsis taught us in youth, and kept alive by n but the broad, imperial splendor of thissummer noon!--and myself standing alone in it--yes, utterlyalone!& &The men I seek must exist: where are they? Howmake an acquaintance, when one obsequiously bows himselfaway, as I advance? The fault is surely not all on my side.&
There was much more, intimate enough to inspire me with a keen interestin the writer, yet not sufficiently so to make my perusal a painfulindiscretion. I yielded to the impulse of the moment, took out mypencil, and wrote a dozen lines on one of the blank pages. They ransomething in this wise:
&IGNOTUS IGNOT?!--You have bestowed without intending it,and I have taken without your knowledge. Do not regret theaccident which has enriched another. This concealed idyl ofthe hills was mine, as I supposed, but I acknowledge yourequal right to it.&&Shall we share the possession, or willyou banish me?&
There was a frank advance, tempered by a proper caution, I fancied, inthe words I wrote. It was evident that she was unmarried, but outsideof that certainty there lay a vast range of possibilities, some of themalarming enough. However, if any nearer acquaintance should arise out ofthe incident, the next step must be taken by her. Was I one of the menshe sought? I almost imagined so--certainly hoped so.
I laid the book on the rock, as I had found it, bestowed another keenscrutiny on the lonely landscape, and then descended the ravine. Thatevening, I went early to the ladies' parlor, chatted more than usualwith the various damsels whom I knew, and watched with a new interestthose whom I knew not. My mind, involuntarily, had already createda picture of the unknown. She might be twenty-five, I areflective habit of mind would hardly be developed before that age. Talland stately, distinctly proud in her bearing, and somewhatreserved in her manners. Why she should have large dark eyes, withlong dark lashes, I but so I seemed to see her. Quiteforgetting that I was (or had meant to be) Ignotus, I found myselfstaring rather significantly at one or the other of the young ladies,in whom I discovered some slight general resemblance to the imaginarycharacter. My fancies, I must confess, played strange pranks with me.They had been kept in a coop so many years that now, when I suddenlyturned them loose, their rickety attempts at flight quite bewildered me.
No! there was no use in expecting a sudden discovery. I went to the glenbetimes, next morning: the book was gone and so were the faded flowers,but some of the latter were scattered over the top of another rock, afew yards from mine. Ha! this means that I am not to withdraw, I saidto myself: she makes room for me! But how to surprise her?--for by thistime I was fully resolved to make her acquaintance, even though shemight turn out to be forty, scraggy, and sandy-haired.
I knew no other way so likely as that of visiting the glen at all timesof the day. I even went so far as to write a line of greeting, with aregret that our visits had not yet coincided, and laid it under a stoneon the top of her rock. The note disappeared, but there was no answerin its place. Then I suddenly remembered her fondness for the noonhours, at which time she was &utterly alone.& The hotel table d'h?tewas at one o'clock: her family, doubtless, dined later, in their ownrooms. Why, this gave me, at least, her place in society! The questionof age, to be sure, but all else was safe.
The next day I took a late and large breakfast, and sacrificed mydinner. Before noon the guests had all straggled back to the hotel fromglen and grove and lane, so bright and hot was the sunshine. Indeed, Icould hardly have supported the reverberation of heat from the sidesof the ravine but for a fixed belief that I should be successful. Whilecrossing the narrow meadow upon which it opened, I caught a glimpseof something white among the thickets higher up. A moment later it hadvanished, and I quickened my pace, feeling the beginning of an absurdnervous excitement in my limbs. At the next turn, there it was again!but only for another moment. I paused, exulting, and wiped my drenchedforehead. &She cannot escape me!& I murmured between the deep draughtsof cooler air I inhaled in the shadow of a rock.
A few hundred steps more brought me to the foot of the steep ascent,where I had counted on overtaking her. I was too late for that, but thedry, baked soil had surely been crumbled and dislodged, here and there,by a rapid foot. I followed, in reckless haste, snatching at the laurelbranches right and left, and paying little heed to my footing. About,one-third of the way up I slipped, fell, caught a bush which snappedat the root, slid, whirled over, and before I fairly knew what hadhappened, I was lying doubled up at the bottom of the slope.
I rose, made two steps forward, and then sat down my left ankle was badly sprained, in addition to various minor scratchesand bruises. There was a revulsion of feeling, of course--instant,complete, and hideous. I fairly hated the Unknown. &Fool that I was!& Iexclaimed, in the theatrical manner, dashing the palm of my hand softlyagainst my brow: &lured to this by the fair traitress! But, no!--notfair: she shows the artfulness of faded, de she isall compact of enamel, 'liquid bloom of youth' and hair dye!&
There was a fierce comfort in this thought, but it couldn't help me outof the scrape. I dared not sit still, lest a sunstroke should be added,and there was no resource but to hop or crawl down the rugged path, inthe hope of finding a forked sapling from which I could extemporizea crutch. With endless pain and trouble I reached a thicket, and wasfeebly working on a branch with my pen-knife, when the sound of a heavyfootstep surprised me.
A brown harvest-hand, in straw hat and shirtsleeves, presently appeared.He grinned when he saw me, and the thick snub of his nose would haveseemed like a sneer at any other time.
&Are you the gentleman that got hurt?& he asked. &Is it pretty tolerablebad?&
&Who said I was hurt?& I cried, in astonishment.
&One of your town-women from the hotel--I reckon she was. I was bindingoats, in the
but I haven't lost no time in comin'here.&
While I was stupidly staring at this announcement, he whipped out a bigclasp-knife, and in a few minutes fashioned me a practicable crutch.Then, taking me by the other arm, he set me in motion toward thevillage.
Grateful as I was for the man's help, he aggravated me by his ignorance.When I asked if he knew the lady, he answered: &It's more'n likely youknow her better,& But where did she come from? Down from the hill, heguessed, but it might ha' been up the road. How did she look? was sheold or young? what was the color of her eyes? of her hair? There, now, Iwas too much for him. When a woman kept one o' them speckled veils overher face, turned her head away, and held her parasol between, how wereyou to know her from Adam? I declare to you, I couldn't arrive at onepositive particular. Even when he affirmed that she was tall, he added,the next instant: &Now I come to think on it, she so I guess she must ha' been short.&
By the time we reached the hotel, I was opiatesand lotions had their will of me for the rest of the day. I was glad toescape the worry of questions, and the conventional sympathy expressedin inflections of the voice which are meant to soothe, and onlyexasperate. The next morning, as I lay upon my sofa, restful, patient,and properly cheerful, the waiter entered with a bouquet of wildflowers.
&Who sent them?& I asked.
&I found them outside your door, sir. Maybe there' yes, here'sa bit o' paper.&
I opened the twisted slip he handed me, and read: &From your dell--andmine.& I among them were two or three rare andbeautiful varieties which I had only found in that one spot. Fool,again! I noiselessly kissed, while pretending to smell them, had themplaced on a stand within reach, and fell into a state of quiet andagreeable contemplation.
Tell me, yourself, whether any male human being is ever too old forsentiment, provided that it strikes him at the right time and in theright way! What did that bunch of wild flowers betoken? Knowledge, then, and finally, encouragement, at least. Of courseshe had seen my accident, of course she had sent the harvestlaborer to aid me home. It was quite natural she should imagine somespecial, romantic interest in the lonely dell, on my part, and the gifttook additional value from her conjecture.
Four days afterward, there was a hop in the large dining-room of thehotel. Early in the morning, a fresh bouquet had been left at my door.I was tired of my enforced idleness, eager to discover the fair unknown(she was again fair, to my fancy!), and I determined to go down,believing that a cane and a crimson velvet slipper on the left footwould provoke a glance of sympathy from certain eyes, and thus enable meto detect them.
The fact was, the sympathy was much too general and effusive. Everybody,it seemed, came to me w seats were vacated at myapproach, even fat Mrs. Huxter insisting on my taking her warm place,at the head of the room. But Bob Leroy--you know him--as gallant agentleman as ever lived, put me down at the right point, and kept methere. He only meant to divert me, yet gave me the only place where Icould quietly inspect all the younger ladies, as dance or supper broughtthem near.
One of the dances was an old-fashioned cotillon, and one of the figures,the &coquette,& brought every one, in turn, before me. I received apleasant word or two from those whom I knew, and a long, kind, silentglance from Miss May Danvers. Where had been my eyes? She was tall,stately, twenty-five, had large dark eyes, and long dark lashes! Againthe changes of the dance I threw (or strove tothrow) unutterable meanings into my eyes, and cast them upon hers. Sheseemed startled, looked suddenly away, looked back to me, and--blushed.I knew her for what is called &a nice girl&--that is, tolerably frank,gently feminine, and not dangerously intelligent. Was it possible that Ihad overlooked so much character and intellect?
As the cotillon closed, she was again in my neighborhood, and herpartner led her in my direction. I was rising painfully from mychair, when Bob Leroy pushed me down again, whisked another seat fromsomewhere, planted it at my side, and there she was!
She knew who was her neighbor, I but instead of turningtoward me, she began to fan herself in a nervous way and to fidget withthe buttons of her gloves. I grew impatient.
&Miss Danvers!& I said, at last.
&Oh!& was all her answer, as she looked at me for a moment.
&Where are your thoughts?& I asked.
Then she turned, with wide, astonished eyes, coloring softly up to theroots of her hair. My heart gave a sudden leap.
&How can you tell, if I can not?& she asked.
&May I guess?&
She made a slight inclination of the head, saying nothing. I was thenquite sure.
&The second ravine to the left of the main drive?&
her color became deeper, and a leaf ofthe ivory fan snapped between her fingers.
&Let there be no more a secret!& I exclaimed. &Your flowers have bro I knew I should find you--&
Full of certainty, I was speaking in a low, impassioned voice. She cutme short by
I felt that she was both angry andalarmed. Fisher, of Philadelphia, jostling right and left in his haste,made his way toward her. She fairly snatched his arm, clung to it with awarmth I had never seen expressed in a ballroom, and began to whisperin his ear. It was not five minutes before he came to me, alone, with avery stern face, bent down, and said:
&If you have discovered our secret, you will keep silent. You arecertainly a gentleman.&
I bowed, coldly and savagely. There was a draught my ankle became suddenly weary and painful, and I went to bed. Can youbelieve that I didn't guess, immediately, what it all meant? In a vagueway, I fancied that I had been premature in my attempt to drop ourmutual incognito, and that Fisher, a rival lover, was jealous of me.This was rather flatt but when I limped down to theladies' parlor, the next day, no Miss Danvers was to be seen. I did notve it might seem importunate, and a woman of somuch hidden capacity was evidently not to be wooed in the ordinary way.
So ano and then, with the morning, came a letterwhich made me feel, at the same instant, like a fool and a hero. It hadbeen dropped in the Wampsocket post-office, was legibly addressed to meand delivered with some other letters which had arrived by the nightmail. H listen:
& &&&&Noto Ignota!--Haste is not a gift of the gods, and you havebeen impatient, with the usual result. I was almost preparedfor this, and thus am not wholly disappointed. In a day ortwo more you will discover your mistake, which, so far as Ican learn, has done no particular harm. If you wish to findme, there is onl should I tell youwhat it is, I should run the risk of losing you--that is, Ishould preclude the manifestation of a certain quality whichI hope to find in the man who may--or--, rather, must--be myfriend. This sounds enigmatical, yet you have read enough ofmy nature, as written in those random notes in my sketch-book, to guess, at least, how much I require. Only this letme add: mere guessing is useless.
& &&&&Being unknown, I can write freely. If you find me, I if not, I shall hardly need to blush, even tomyself, over a futile experiment.
& &&&&It is possible for me to learn enough of your life,henceforth, to direct my relation toward you. T if so, I shall know it soon. I shall also knowwhether you continue to seek me. Trusting in your honor as aman, I must ask you to trust in mine, as a woman.&
I did discover my mistake, as the Unknown promised. There had beena secret betrothal between Fisher and Miss Danvers, and, singularlyenough, the momentous question and answer had been given in the veryravine leading to my upper dell! The two meant to keep the but therein, it seems, I there was a littleopposition on the part of their respective families, but all wasamicably settled before I left Wampsocket.
The letter made a very deep impression upon me. What was the one wayto find her? What could it be but the triumph that follows ambitioustoil--the manifestation of all my best qualities as a man? Be she oldor young, plain or beautiful, I reflected, hers is surely a nature worthknowing, and its candid intelligence conceals no hazards for me. Ihave sought her rashly, blundered, betrayed that I set her lower, in mythoughts, than her actual self: let me now adopt the opposite course,seek her openly no longer, go back to my tasks, and, following my ownaims vigorously and cheerfully, restore that respect which she seemed tobe on the point of losing. For, consciously or not, she had communicatedto me a doubt, implied in the very expression of her own strength andpride. She had meant to address me as an equal, yet, despite herself,took a stand a little above that which she accorded to me.
I came back to New York earlier than usual, worked steadily atmy profession and with increasing success, and began to acceptopportunities (which I had previously declined) of making myselfpersonally known to the great, impressible, fickle, tyrannical public.One or two of my speeches in the hall of the Cooper Institute, onvarious occasions--as you may perhaps remember--gave me a good headwaywith the party, and were the chief cause of my nomination for the Stateoffice which I still hold. (There, on the table, lies a resignation,written to-day, but not yet signed. We'll talk of it afterward.) Severalmonths passed by, and no further letter reached me. I gave up much ofmy time to society, moved familiarly in more than one province of thekingdom here, and vastly extended my acquaintance, espec but not one of them betrayed the mysterious something orother--really I can't explain precisely what it was!--which I waslooking for. In fact, the more I endeavored quietly to study the sex,the more confused I became.
At last, I was subjected to the usual onslaught from the strong-minded.A small but formidable committee entered my office one morning anddemanded a categorical declaration of my principles. What my views onthe subject were, I they we andyet, I hesitated to declare them! It wasn't a temptation of SaintAnthony--that is, turned the other way--and the belligerent attitudeof the dames did not a but she! What was herposition? How could I best please her? It flashed upon my mind, whileMrs. ------ was making her formal speech that I had taken no step formonths without a vague, secret reference to her. So I strove to becourteous, friendly, and ag begged for furtherdocuments, and promised to reply by letter in a few days.
I was hardly surprised to find the well-known hand on the envelope ofa letter shortly afterward. I held it for a minute in my palm, withan absurd hope that I might sympathetically feel its character beforebreaking the seal. Then I read it with a great sense of relief.
&I have never assumed to guide a man, except toward the fullexercise of his powers. It is not opinion in action, butopinion in a state of idleness or indifference, which repelsme. I am deeply glad that you have gained so much since youleft the country. If, in shaping your course, you havethought of me, I will frankly say that, to that extent,you have drawn nearer. Am I mistaken in conjecturing thatyou wish to know my relation to the movement concerningwhich you were recently interrogated? In this, as in otherinstances which may come, I must beg you to consider me onlyas a spectator. The more my own views may seem likely tosway your action, the less I shall be inclined to declarethem. If you find this cold or unwomanly, remember that itis not easy!&
Yes! I felt that I had certainly drawn much nearer to her. And from thistime on, her imaginary face and form became other than they were. Shewas twenty-eight-- a very little above the middleheight, serene, rather than stately,with a calm, almost grave face, relieved by the sweetness of thefull, and finally eyes of pure, limpid gray, such aswe fancy-belonged to the Venus of Milo. I found her thus much moreattractive than with the dark eyes and lashes--but she did not make herappearance in the circles which I frequented.
Another year slipped away. As an official personage, my importanceincreased, but I was careful not to exaggerate it to myself. Many havewondered (perhaps you among the rest) at my success, seeing that Ipossess no remarkable abilities. If I have any secret, it is simplythis--doing faithfully, with all my might, whatever I undertake.Nine-tenths of our politicians become inflated and careless, after thefirst few years, and are easily forgotten when they once lose place.
I am a little surprised now that I had so much patience with theUnknown. I was too important, at least, too matureto be! subjec too earnest, as I had proved, to bedoubted, or thrown aside without a further explanation.
Growing tired, at last, of silent waiting, I bethought me ofadvertising. A carefully written &Personal,& in which Ignotus informedIgnota of the necessity of his communicating with her, appearedsimultaneously in the &Tribune,& &Herald,& &World,& and &Times.& Irenewed the advertisement as the time expired without an answer, and Ithink it was about the end of the third week before one came, throughthe post, as before.
Ah, yes! I had forgotten. See! my advertisement is pasted on the note,as a heading or motto for the manuscript lines. I don't know why theprinted slip should give me a particular feeling of humiliation as Ilook at it, but such is the fact. What she wrote is all I need read toyou:
&I could not, at first, be certain that this was meant forme. If I were to explain to you why I have not written forso long a time, I might give you one of the few clews whichI insist on keeping in my own hands. In your publiccapacity, you have been ( so far as a woman may judge)upright, independent, wholly manly in your relations withother men I learn nothing of you that is not honorablestoward women you are kind, chivalrous, no doubt, overflowingwith the usual social refinements, but--Here, again, Irun hard upon the absolute necessity of silence. The way tome, if you care to traverse it, is so simple, so very simple!Yet, after what I have written, I can not even wave myhand in the direction of it, without certain self-contempt.When I feel free to tell you, we shall draw apart and remainunknown forever.
& &&&&You desire to write? I do not prohibit it. I haveheretofore made no arrangement for hearing from you, inturn, because I could not discover that any advantage wouldaccrue from it. But it seems only fair, I confess, and youdare not think me capricious. So, three days hence, at sixo'clock in the evening, a trusty messenger of mine will callat your door. If you have anything to give her for me, theact of giving it must be the sign of a compact on your partthat you will allow her to leave immediately, unquestionedand unfollowed.&
You look puzzled, I see: you don't catch the real drift of her words?Well, that's a melancholy encouragement. Neither did I, at the time: itwas plain that I had disappointed her in some way, and my intercoursewith or manner toward women had something to do with it. In vain I ranover as much of my later social life as I could recall. There had beenno special attention, nothing to mislead on theother side, certainly no rudeness, no want of &chivalrous& (she used theword!) respect and attention. What, in the name of all the gods, was thematter?
In spite of all my efforts to grow clearer, I was obliged to writemy letter in a rather muddled state of mind. I had so much to say!sixteen folio pages, I was sure, would only suffice for an int yet, when the creamy vellum lay before me and the moist pendrew my fingers toward it, I sat stock dumb for half an hour. I wrote,finally, in a half-desperate mood, without regard to coherency or logic.Here's a rough draft of a part of the letter, and a single passage fromit will be enough:
I can conceive of no simpler way to you than the knowledgeof your name and address. I have drawn airy images of you,but they do not become incarnate, and I am not sure that Ishould recognize you in the brief moment of passing. Yournature is not of those which are instantly legible. As anabstract power, it has wrought in my life and it continuallymoves my heart with desires which are unsatisfactory becauseso vague and ignorant. Let me offer you, personally, mygratitude, my earnest friendship: you would laugh if I werenow to offer more.
Stay! here is another fragment, more reckless in tone:
&I want to find the woman whom I can love--who can love me.But this is a masquerade where the features are hidden, thevoice disguised, even the hands grotesquely gloved. Come! Iwill venture more than I ever thought was possible to me.You shall know my deepest nature as I myself seem to knowit. Then, give me the commonest chance of learning yours,through an intercourse which shall leave both free, shouldwe not feel the closing of the inevitable bond!&
After I had written that, the pages filled rapidly. When the appointedhour arrived, a bulky epistle, in a strong linen envelope, sealed withfive wax seals, was waiting on my table. Precisely at six there was anannouncement: the door opened, and a little outside, in the shadow, Isaw an old woman, in a threadbare dress of rusty black.
&Come in!& I said.
&The letter!& answered a husky voice. She stretched out a bony hand,without moving a step.
&It is for a lady--very important business,& said I, &are you sure that there is no mistake?&
She drew her hand under the shawl, turned without a word, and movedtoward the hall door.
&Stop!& I cried: &I beg a thousand pardons! Take it--take it! You arethe right messenger!&
She clutched it, and was instantly gone.
Several days passed, and I gradually became so nervous and uneasy thatI was on the point of inserting another &Personal& in the daily papers,when the answer arrived. It was
you shall hear thewhole of it:
& &&&&I thank you. Your letter is a sacred confidence which Ipray you never to regret. Your nature is sound and good. Youask no more than is reasonable, and I have no real right torefuse. In the one respect which I have hinted, I may havebeen unskilful or too narrowly cautious: I must have thecertainty of this. Therefore, as a generous favor, give mesix months more! At the end of that time I will write to youagain. Have patience with these brief lines: another wordmight be a word too much.&
You notice the change in her tone? The letter gave me the strongestimpression of a new, warm, almost anxious interest on her part. Myfancies, as first at Wampsocket, began to play all sorts of singularpranks: sometimes she was rich and of an old family, sometimesmoderately poor and obscure, but always the same calm, reposeful faceand clear gray eyes. I ceased looking for her in society, quite surethat I should not find her, and nursed a wild expectation of suddenlymeeting her, face to face, in the most unlikely places andunder startling circumstances. However, the end of it all waspatience--patience for six months.
There's n but this last letter is hard for me toread. It came punctually, to a day. I knew it would, and at the last Ibegan to dread the time, as if a heavy note were falling due, and I hadno funds to meet it. My head was in a whirl when I broke the seal. Thefact in it stared at me blankly, at once, but it was a long time beforethe words and sentences became intelligible.
&The stipulated time has come, and our hidden romance is atan end. Had I taken this resolution a year ago, it wouldhave saved me many vain hopes, and you, perhaps, a littleuncertainty. Forgive me, first, if you can, and then hearthe explanation!
& &&&&You wished for a personal interview: you have had, notone, but many. We have met, in society, talked face toface, discussed the weather, the opera, toilettes, Queechy,Aurora Floyd, Long Branch, and Newport, and exchanged aweary amount o and you never guessedthat I was governed by any deeper interest! I have purposelyuttered ridiculous platitudes, and you were as smilinglycourteous as if you enjoyed them: I have let fall remarkswhose hollowness and selfishness could not have escaped you,and have waited in vain for a word of sharp, honest, manlyreproof. Your manner to me was unexceptionable, as it was toall other women: but there lies the source of mydisappointment, of--yes--of my sorrow!
& &&&&You appreciate, I can not doubt, the qualities in womanwhich men value in one another--culture, independence ofthought, a high and earnest
but youknow not how to seek them. It is not true that a mature andunperverted woman is flattered by receiving only the generalobsequiousness which most men give to the whole sex. In theman who contradicts and strives with her, she discovers atruer interest, a nobler respect. The empty-headed, spindle-shanked youths who dance admirably, understand something ofbilliards, much less of horses, and still less ofnavigation, soon grow inexpress but themen who adopt their social courtesy, never seeking toarouse, uplift, instruct us, are a bitter disappointment.
& &&&&What would have been the end, had you really found me?Certainly a sincere, satisfying friendship. No mysteriousmagnetic force has drawn you to me or held you near me, norhas my experiment inspired me with an interest which can notbe given up without a personal pang. I am grieved, for thesake of all men and all women. Yet, understand me! I mean noslightest reproach.&&I esteem and honor you for what youare.&&Farewell!&
There! Nothing could be kinder in tone, nothing more humiliating insubstance, I was sore and off but I soon began tosee, and ever more and more clearly, that she was wholly right. I wassure, also, that any further attempt to correspond with her would bevain. It all comes of taking society just as we find it, and supposingthat conventional courtesy is the only safe ground on which men andwomen can meet.
The fact is--there's no use in hiding it from myself (and I see, by yourface, that the letter cuts into your own conscience)--she is a free,courageous, independent character, and--I am not. But who was she?
*& && &*& && &*& && &*& && &*& && &*& && &*& && & *& && & *& && & *& && & *& && & *
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