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and the transfer of your personal information to the United States, a jurisdiction that may not provide an equivalent level of data protection to the laws in your home country.The Eight Truths About Weddings (That No One Ever Tells You)
July 12, 2011
Once you decide to have
a wedding, there are many, many things to read: etiquette guides,
Dos and Don’ts, planning checklists, vendor guides, “inspiration
boards,” , angry bridesmaid rants (“bitch made me wear
PURPLE SHOES!”), even socio-political screeds about the cultural
irrelevance of the whole thing. All of these are nice, and all of
them are utterly useless.If you’re the one getting married—which I am, in three months,
while also attending eight other weddings in as many months due to
a hyper-marital zeitgeist (that, as of July 24th, includes New York
gays!! Welcome to the madness!!)—a mysterious stupor befalls you.
The tales of “bridal nervous breakdowns” have become ingrained in
pop culture, “ingrained” meaning “anything that gets its own
reality show.” Such breakdowns do happen, and they’re hardly
gender-specific, but these displays of emotional gangrene fail to
get at the heart of the nuptial plight.So where does one go to find a guide to the true sources of
wedding-angst? One resource is the wedding industry, that fondant
tower of chintzy madness that exists to suck your wallet and
self-esteem out through multiple orifices. The industry gets plenty
of flack, mostly for its organza-wrapped obfuscation of anything
important. But all this hating is silly. Yes, the wedding industry
will crack open your skull and pour in gallons of
raspberry-hazelnut ganache, and then send you a bill for $15,000.
But that’s its job. It’s absurd to expect people in the industry to
tell you the truth about weddings. They’re there for one purpose:
to sell you shit. Calling them manipulative capitalist assholes
(ahem, ) isn’t it’s simply blaming
the addiction on the dealer. The truth about weddings was once something we all figured out
for ourselves as we made our way across the glurpy morass of the
engagement tar fields. Until now! Here is your look into the things
no one ever tells you about weddings (but are nonetheless
true).1. WEDDINGS ARE EMOTIONAL RECKONINGS.
Have you dealt with your issues? I’m not talking about a few months
in therapy and the occasional Xanax on a bad day—I’m talking about
really digging in, sitting under the Bodhi tree, and dealing
with all the nasty icky hurts and fears and angers that have burned
your face and clamped your guts since you were five. If you have
never once taken a hard look at what really triggers you
emotionally, and figured out a way to release that trigger, you’re
in for a shock. Because ALL of your submerged emotions will rear
their Gorgon heads during the process of planning a wedding.
Prepare to be confronted.First, there’s your family. Ahh, family. The one group with
perma-instant access to every emotional trigger in your psyche (“Of
course your mother knows how to push all your buttons!” a matriarch
once told me. ‘She created them!!”). Do you still resent your mom
for that “Honey, your thighs don’t need that ice cream!” comment in
8th grade? Clinging to the last vestiges of anger at your dad for
never kissing you goodnight or reading your term papers? Secretly
seethe at your brother for moving far away and leaving you to deal
with the full brunt of your parents’ needs? Lucky you! You’re going
to experience all of it again, since each of these people will be
intimately involved in your Big Megaspecial Day (whether you invite
them or not). If you do not give up any and all familial anger, it
will seize you in its talons and tear out your liver at least once
a day, Prometheus style. You will find yourself shrieking over the
fact that your mom disapproves of your choice of chair covers (“You
never liked my clothes in junior high!!! Wail Sob!”) or that your
dad suggested “Psychokiller” as a father-daughter dance (“You spent
my childhood in the office and now this!!”). Any unresolved issue,
annoyance or pin in the side that you’ve had since, well, birth
will now be a part of your daily life. And we haven’t even gotten
to the fact that you may be asking them for money!Then there’s the invite list, which is basically a socially
condoned form of friendship slaughter. Every minor dig and insult
will rise from the depths of your consciousness when it comes time
for the guest-list-culling. Who will be invited to the biggest
public transition of your life? Are you really going to invite that
wench who texted your ex for six months after you broke up? Or that
assclown who hasn’t picked up a bar tab since, oh, college? If
you’re someone who holds grudges, your invite list will dwindle
like an oak tree showered in acid. The girl who said your
engagement ring was “cute”? DEATH. The guy who ruined the ending of
“Game of Thrones” on purpose just to fuck with you? OFF THE
LIST.Plus you have everyone’s OPINIONS—those are some of the biggest
hurdles to navigate. Every friend will have views and
needs to lob your way: this one doesn’t like the bachelor
party date since it conflicts with his annual fishing trip, that
one thinks it’s outrageous that your bridal shower is in another
town, and don’t even get them started on the hotel you chose for
the bridal party. And then when they attend your actual wedding, it
is a fundamental law that they will comment on how they would have
done it differently “had it been MY wedding.” Well, yes, asshole,
but it is not your wedding, and you have not subsisted on cabbage
and rice for months so you could pay for that open bar you’re
currently guzzling. (See? There’s that anger again! Damn.)But before you begin your process of wreaking vengeance,
remember just one thing: your wedding is not an opportunity to dole
out justice to everyone who’s pissed you off in the last decade. In
fact, that’s the furthest thing from its purpose. If you wield your
wedding like a samurai sword, it’s pretty much guaranteed that
you’ll do the same with other big events in your life. And die
alone.2. THIS EMOTIONAL RECKONING INCLUDES YOUR SIGNIFICANT
Everything you don’t absolutely adore about this magical human
you’ve pledged yourself to is going to now manifest itself in wild
screechy detail. You will fight about things you didn’t even
register during those blissful days of moonlit walks and Sunday
afternoon sex. Eventually, you will have to face a stunning
reality: The person you are marrying is exactly who she/he is, and
will never be anyone else. Not now, and not once you’re married.
Whether that’s a beatific thing or a source of night terrors all
depends on you. (Note that I didn’t say it depends on your partner.
If you don’t like what you’re marrying, then it’s on you to either
get over it or call it off. Sorry!!)All your interactions will be weighed with a new gravity. When
you do fight, it’s fighting as a COUPLE THAT WILL BE MARRIED. Those
things that were mere annoyances are now albatrosses draping your
shoulders for eternity. (Seriously, it’s no coincidence that
Coleridge’s Mariner ranted to a wedding guest).The good news: Your incentive to get over these fights is sky
high, since you’ve committed to this person and put down a venue
deposit and changed your Facebook status and introduced him/her to
your grandmother. So after a while, it can all fade into “Well,
it’s all part of the package—and I guess his videogame habit is
better than hookers n’ blow!”3. IT ALSO INCLUDES YOURSELF.
Your head can become a scary place in the months before your
wedding. Any insecurity that has made its home nestled in your gray
matter? You will come face to face with it now. Am I pretty enough
to be getting married? Why is everyone in every wedding picture so
much prettier? Will all the people I care about judge me as I walk
down the aisle? Am I rich enough to be marrying this person? Am I
rich enough to be marrying at ALL? Aren’t I supposed to have paid
off my student loans by now? What if I can’t be the provider I want
to be? Will it shred my masculinity like a 2010 Super Bowl ad? Will
my partner start to resent me not pulling my weight? Can we afford
this wedding? What if I get fired, and can’t make the next catering
payment? What if no one says yes to our invitations, since they all
secretly hate us? What if too many people say yes, and we have to
pay for them all? What if I lose sleep over our wedding budget and
start to look haggard and my betrothed starts having second
thoughts like, “Why am I binding myself to this haggard-looking
worrywart anyway” and what if he/she leaves me and then I’m out of
a catering deposit and out of a job and I’ll have to return all
these presents and my grandmother will pity me and everyone will
mention my name in hushed tones at parties and I’ll shut myself
away until I die of infected bedsores and WHAT IF WHAT IF WHAT IF
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!And then you have a drink.4. YOUR WEDDING WILL MAKE YOU FACE EXACTLY WHO YOU ARE, EVEN
IF THAT’S A PERSON YOU PREFER TO HIDE MOST OF THE TIME.
Wedding planning will give you a funny little window into who you
really are in life. Not who you think you are, not who you say you
are, but who you are.“But I’m so down-to-earth!” you say. “I’m the furthest thing
from psycho about these things! I don’t even subscribe to any of
that antiquated bourgeois nonsense!” Maybe so—but maybe not. Get a
few months into the planning process and see. Are you obsessive and
controlling about every last detail? Overwhelmed by the whole
thing? Laissez-faire to the point of doing nothing (and waiting for
someone to bail you out)? Projecting false calm whilst mortgaging
your organs to pay for the surf-and-turf entrée and Herrera gown?
The ways in which you navigate these choices—not what you tell
yourself about them—are some of the clearest indications you’ll
ever get of what’s going on in the personal universe you call
life.And I don’t mean the choice between peacock blue centerpieces
and turquoise (although even those small choices will eventually
come to mean something to you too, but more on that later). No, I’m
talking the laborious internal decisions that govern the big
picture. When it comes down to it, how big a deal is this
wedding—not the marriage, the wedding—in your personal
narrative? How much of your identity and self-esteem are you basing
on this one event? How much are you focused, either consciously or
unconsciously, on being someone who adores/despises being the
center of attention? (Hint: they’re basically the same thing.) What
portion of your emotional needs are you expecting this wedding to
fulfill?We’re smart people. We all know what the answers to these
questions SHOULD be. But trafficking in “should be”s won’t do you
much good when you’re dissolving into sobs, supposedly over a
turquoise bouquet that you REALLY THOUGHT should have been
peacock.5. THE REAL STRESS OF WEDDING PLANNING IS THINKING EVERYTHING
MEANS SOMETHING.
We humans are remarkably good at ascribing meaning. If he doesn’t
call you back after a fantastic date, then it must mean that
you’re a complete dud of humanity who is destined to grow old
alone. If you don’t get that new job, it must mean that
you’re a mentally inferior troglodyte with nothing to offer the
world.Nowhere does the Mental Meaning Machine work as much overtime as
during wedding preparations. It starts from the initial proposal:
if the ring is not expensive enough to buy six orphans on the
Siberian black-market, then it means you are stuck with a
cheap bastard and your life is inferior to that of every
rock-sporting wife. (Gays, please, renounce this practice.) From
then on, every choice you make about your wedding, from cummerbund
colors to china patterns, somehow brims over with alleged meaning
about things like “who you are as a couple” and “what kind of life
you’ll have.”Ultimately, we all know this is foolish: Does it mean
something if you pick the New Testament reading over the Yeats
poem? Does it mean something if you serve the halibut
instead of the chicken roulade? Of course not. But try telling that
to the stream of brides pouring into the Plaza Ballroom for this
year’s Wedding Mega-Expo.And alas, ascribing all this meaning is exhausting and,
inevitably, disappointing. Getting your write-up in the
Times wedding announcements doesn’t mean that your marriage
will be perfect, and having the latest Vera Wang hardly means your
wedding will be the most blissful day on Earth. Rather, it simply
means that you won’t be able to eat. For realz, Elizabethan
corsets much?6. IT IS EASY TO DEVELOP VERY BAD FINANCIAL HABITS WHILE
PLANNING A WEDDING (OR VERY GOOD ONES).
Even if you opt for the most frugal of wedding receptions, the cash
issue will come up. Paying for a wedding can be like wearing a hair
shirt—after a while, writing a four-figure check (or five-figure,
or six-, all depending on your level of insanity) stops feeling
like flesh-scouring pain.The fact is that money (or rather, its scarcity) is a reality
for everyone, and that reality shifts once you have to weigh the
large, emotion-laden purchases that accompany weddings. Unless
you’re a hedge fund manager, in which case fuck you, and go get a
job that’s useful to society (but invite me to your wedding! I like
Dom Perignon fountains as much as the next gal!).Still, for those who make it through the dark tunnel of wedding
spending, you can look forward to one bright, beautiful moment: The
day after your wedding. On that day, you get to choose if you ever
lay another cent of your hard-earned (or inherited—no judgments)
cash on damask tablecloths or Waterford goblets. And all those
Excel-spreadsheeting skills you’ve acquired can be used to budget
your future finances. Or not. But at least it’s up to you, and not
your mother-in-law with her 80-person guest list.Just promise me this: For the love of all that is remotely holy
in this world, do NOT go into major debt to pay for your wedding.
Which is what I say about law school, but no one ever listens to
me.7. YOU WILL LEARN A NEW LANGUAGE THAT WILL NEVER REALLY BE
USEFUL AGAIN (EXCEPT WHEN DISCUSSING OTHER PEOPLE’S
WEDDINGS).
We know a lot of words—we sit on the Internet all day, we can’t
help but live in a word-driven world. But exotic, bizarre words
like “chivari” and “shantung” and “Asscher” had never been in my
vocabulary before now. These days, I spend more time swimming in
them than I’d ever admit to my therapist. Don’t fight the small
battles: Embrace the wedding-speak and fold it into your lexicon,
at least until the last gift check has been cashed. And know that
when everyone nods after a wedding planner announces, “We’ll just
highlight the centerpieces with pinspots and up-lighting!” no one
else knows what the fuck she’s talking about either.8. THE THINGS NO ONE SAYS ARE IMPORTANT ARE IN FACT THE MOST
IMPORTANT.
Two words: Premarital counseling. It is perhaps the most vital
thing you can do before marching down the aisle. It doesn’t matter
if your love is so all-powerful it can superglue glaciers, you need
to talk about the changes that are about to envelop your day-to-day
lives. As a couple, you must sit down in a room not filled with
cakes and hors d’oeuvres samplers and ask the squirmy,
uncomfortable questions that no one ever really wants to ask: Who’s
going to pay the ConEd bill? Who’s going to unload the dishwasher
99% of the time? Who’s going to initiate sex when we’re both
bone-tired and haven’t done it in a week? How strongly do we each
feel about fidelity? What religion (if any) do we want to impart to
our children? And how can we set ourselves up with the ability to
keep discussing these things in the future? Because they
will come up.This crap—these thorny, excruciating conversations—is THE crap.
It is the only reality. The ribbon-clad roses and monogrammed key
chains and signature cocktails are not. Messy conversations are
what you are signing up for, and what you will bump up against
regularly for the remainder of your lives together. They are the
gateway to a fulfilling and joyous relationship. And I can
absolutely 100,000% guarantee you that not a single tux tailor or
band singer or wedding planner or overbearing third cousin will
ever tell you this. But your divorce lawyer certainly will.
One final note: If you think I exempt myself from these rules, I
assure you I do not. I have fallen into each and every sinkhole
described here. Just ask my saintly fiancé, who somehow still wants
to marry me.
, The Awl’s
is getting married this Halloween weekend. There will be
is The Awl's resident Horror Chick.How to Get Your Kids to Go the F*** to Sleep: An Age-by-Age Guideyou fixed your eyes on us,
your flesh and blood,
a sculpture of water
and unsettled dust.
when there was bad blood in us,
we learned our lesson:
genesis to the last generation.
so we wrestle with it all-
the concept of grace
and the faithful concrete
as it breaks our fall.
our questions are all the same.
how they feel brand new against different time frames.
identical words against different time frames.
we know it all by heart-
the whole is greater
than the sum of its parts.
we’ve heard it all before-
in beauty there echoes a speck of our source.
in beauty there echoes a speck of our source.
like firewood,
burning bright
in the dead of winter,
by only a flicker
we cling to this life.
is it faith or prediction,
will or tradition
until we collapse?
we argue our bearings
until we collapse.
we study our story arcs-
inherently good,
or were we broken right from the start?
our hesitant fingerprints
trace every mountain,
lace every valley
until we’re convinced…
that we know it all by heart-
every blade of grass
bears our mark.
in the name of being brave,
though it’s just another word for being afraid.
we know it all by heart-
the whole is so much greater
than the sum of these parts.
we’ve heard the truth before,
for in beauty there echoes a speck of our source.
in beauty there echoes a speck of our source.
in beauty there echoes a speck of our source.
– , Bad Blood
Get the Sleeping At Last – Atlas: Darkness EP from:
I love comic books and graphic novels. From childhood on, comics have grown with me, from the teenagers of
to superheroes like ‘s
to complex tales of
and . But I’ve never seen a graphic novel like Dan Maurer’s semi-autobiographical . I was so moved by its story and even existence that I wanted to share a deeper cut of his insights with you, here.
Dan, what inspired you to write Sobriety?
There’s a story behind this. When I was in treatment at
in Center City, Minnesota, my father had given me a copy of another graphic novel. The topic (believe it or not) was Bertrand Russell’s attempt to prove the foundations of mathematics. (That book is actually a New York Times bestseller.) I was so taken by the format of comics to show such a powerful story, that I began to wonder if anything like it existed in recovery publications. There wasn’t.
There were a lot of different mediums and styles you could have chosen to talk about this journey – why on earth did you choose to do this as a graphic novel?
Now that the book is a reality, I’m convinced all the more of the potential groundswell of comics to enter into mainstream culture. Comics are simple without being simplistic. The medium itself is actually quite old, ancient really — look at the cave drawings in France or the walls inside the pyramids of Egypt. Artwork doesn’t dumb down th it only makes it more accessible and entertaining. Comics rock.
You were a Lutheran pastor in another lifetime. If you don’t mind sharing, how did your faith and vocation play into getting you into addiction – and bringing you out?
Ha! In another lifetime … I like that. Yes. I initially went into ministry probably out of some innate desire to please my mother. Maybe that’s too Freudian, though. I was good at what I did back then, but being a pastor is a very lonely life. Moreover, you have to be okay with being alone, especially so in rural ministry, which was where I served in western North Dakota. But let me be honest: I abused drugs and drank, because I like to get high. That’s all there is to it in the end.
I thought all the others who we see nearly constantly in the news, or friends or relatives … they were just weak. I thought I could do both. I couldn’t. So how that plays into my faith life today is that I believe that all the sh*t I got myself into was ultimately the situation I needed in life to allow me to really live, to really understand how God genuinely loves us, despite our frailties and weaknesses. Today, I’m a believer, not because I published a book, but because I believe I’ve been given a purpose and meaning to share my story. My failings also gave me a great gift, you know. It’s the gift that no one’s story — my own included — is never really finished. God alone determines that and I remind myself of this fact daily.
Are the characters in Sobriety real people you know?
Short answer: no. But some people I’ve known (and know, present-tense) probably influenced characteristics each of the characters has. You know, everyone has mannerisms. Probably I swiped a few to give the characters more depth.
I was impressed by how your characters navigated their very different spiritual backgrounds, from devout Christian to atheist to several points in-between. Do you observe these kinds of conversations happening a lot these days in AA and NA circles?
Great question, Mike. Honestly, “in the rooms” a person sees the whole gamut. In the Midwest, where I live, the spectrum isn’t as wide, I believe. However, some of the people with the deepest spiritual lives I know wouldn’t proclaim themselves as Christians. For me, that used to be anxiety causing. Nowadays, I’m more relaxed. I guess I try to see a Christ-like existence working in others, even when they, themselves, don’t know it. It’s very freeing.
What’s one thing you wished non-addicts (or at least, non-identified addicts) understood about addicts and recovering addicts?
It’s not our fault. Really. And by that I don’t mean all the crazy crap we do. No … for that we’re culpable. That might seem contradictory, but what I’m saying is that we didn’t choose our brains. If we’re really going to embrace the illness/disease concept of addiction, we have to acknowledge that the craziness that goes with it is only expected. That doesn’t mean the legal system should give us a free ride. Not at all. In my case, the legal system was probably the “bottom” I needed to shake me into understanding who I was, and who I will always be: an addict. We’d definitely need more time to explore this topic fully, but I hope people understand that the brain, too, is an organ that can get sick. It becomes well when a spiritual conversion takes place. That’s all the Twelve Steps are about, after all, an orchestrated spiritual conversion. It doesn’t seem like it should work, but it does.
What’s one thing you know now that you wish you knew when you began your recovery journey?
That things can get better. I was a ball of nerves when I started. I had lost almost everything. It’s hard to look up to the sky when the well seems so deep, and the water you’re standing in seems to be rising. It does get better. Sometimes we need to experience a real death to know what rising again is about. That’s painful … but it gets better. Much better!
How can interested readers (whom I think will be many by now!) find out more about you and your work?
Thank you for asking! I keep a blog of transformational stories (more than only recovery-based stories) called Transformation is Real. It’s found on my website, . I hope you’ll visit!
Dan Maurer is a freelance writer and openly lives in recovery in Saint Paul, Minnesota. His current books include
(co-written with R.K. Kline). Dan enjoys spending time with his two boys and wife, Carol. He plays the Great Highland Bagpipes and also makes a mean latté … although not at the same time. His non-fiction writing focuses on stories of transformation and how anyone’s story is never yet finished, even in times of great struggle.
– why did you write
Frank: Back in 2007, I got an idea to create a new genre of Christian literature. I call that genre “biblical narrative.”
The new genre would contain autobiographical fiction closely based on the Scriptural narratives and faithful to first-century history. It would also contain a nonfiction section that practically applies the narratives to our lives. Finally, it would include a discussion guide so that readers could better digest and apply the content.
(2013) was my first book in this genre. In it, Lazarus tells the story of when Jesus came to His hometown Bethany and all the amazing things that took place there.
(2015) is the second book in this genre. I wanted it to tell the story of five women whom Jesus encountered, allowing each woman tell their own story. I also wanted to draw out practical lessons and critical insights from each narrative.
Because I’m not a woman, I couldn’t do justice to the stories on my own, so I asked the top female Christian fiction writer of our time — Mary DeMuth — to coauthor it with me.
Mary: I wrote it because I love stories, and I felt that some of these encounters with Jesus didn’t get the air time they deserved. By doing careful research and weaving more of a story arc into the five women’s encounter, I hope to show people that the “characters” of the New Testament are actual, breathing people with stress and dysfunction and hopes just like us. Frank pioneered the idea of this book, so all credit goes to him for imagining it. I’m grateful he asked me to be a part.
How did you two came to coauthor this?
Mary: Frank wrote God’s Greatest Place on Earth and had long wanted to do something similar with five women of the New Testament. He approached me about writing the fiction side of The Day I Met Jesus after he found out I wrote fiction as well as nonfiction.
Frank: When I began to think about a female coauthor for the project, I wanted it to be someone who (1) writes fiction (2) is a remarkable writer, and (3) believes in the classic tenets of the Christian faith (Jesus is divine and human, He rose again from the dead, Jesus is Lord and Savior of the world, etc.)
As I investigated authors who fit the bill, I quickly thought of folks like Francine Rivers and Karen Kingsbury. But then I discovered that Mary DeMuth wrote fiction. I had known that she was a non-fiction writer, but had no idea that she could “switch hit.”
I also discovered that she was an outstanding writer of fiction as she was of nonfiction. (I regard Mary to be the Mickey Mantle of Christian literature — she has enormous power from both sides!) So Mary ended up being the only name on my “short list.”
You feature five women from the Gospels. Why pick women in particular as your subjects?
Frank: Some of the most gripping, instructive, inspiring stories in the Gospels involve women. The longest recorded conversation that Jesus ever had was with a woman. And some of the most amazing things He said and did related to women. So I thought that a book in which some of these women told their own stories about Jesus would not only bring the Gospels to life in our minds, but it would also bring Jesus alive in our hearts.
Mary: Women had significant, personal encounters with Jesus, a fact that we sometimes miss, particularly since so many stories revolve around the 12 disciples (who were men). I love that we’re elevating these stories, helping people reimagine just how radical it was that Jesus so beautifully interacted with these women.
Which one is your favorite – and why?
Mary: For me, it’s hard to say. I love them all in different ways. This week, I’ll say it’s Mary of Bethany. She didn’t have a blatant “need” for Jesus. She was just downright faithful and often misunderstood. I think a lot of people can relate to that.
Frank: Mary of Bethany is my all-time favorite disciple of Jesus. This came home to me when I wrote God’s Favorite Place on Earth. (Mary was the sister of Lazarus, so she gets ample airtime in that book.)
I love Mary because she knew Jesus better than most, anticipating His reactions and even His impending death. She also paid the price for loving Him, for she was falsely accused by both her sister and the other disciples (on two different occasions), mostly out of jealousy. In both situations, Mary embraced the spirit of the Lamb, refusing to defend herself. But Jesus Himself rose to her defense on both occasions. He also gave her an enduring honor that He gave no one else.
Why would someone want to read this book?
Frank: If someone wants a good story to get tied up into . . . or if they want to see the Bible come to life in a compelling way . . . or if they want to experience Jesus Christ anew and afresh . . . or if they want to identify with people who were far worse off than they are, and see what Jesus did for them . . . or if they want to be given hope and encouragement in their situation . . . or if they are lacking love for the Lord and want that love to be rekindled . . . or if they want new motivation and fresh inspiration to follow Jesus more closely . . . or if they want to increase their faith and expectation in the Lord, they’ll want to read The Day I Met Jesus.
Mary: Someone would want to read it because it’s truly unique. It’s biblical narrative, but in short story form, but it doesn’t end there. After you’ve been absorbed into a page-turning story, Frank exegetes the wisdom from each encounter and helps you apply it to your life.
Did I hear that there’s a course that supplements the book!
Frank: Yes. The Day I Met Jesus Master Course is designed for those who wish to delve deeper into the themes set forth in the book. It includes a workbook and 20 audio messages delivered by Mary and I. In addition, it includes 8 bonus eBooks from Mary and I. It also includes a closed forum where people can access us both directly for Q&A and dialogue. People can check it out at
Tell us what readers get if they purchase The Day I Met Jesus from March 3rd to March 17th from .
Frank: They’ll get these 7 exclusive bonuses:
An exclusive audio interview where Mary and I give a behind-the-scenes look at all the facets of the book. The interview covers where the idea of the book came from, why we wrote the book, what it was like collaborating, the hardest part about writing it, and much more.
Mary’s Book Beautiful Battle in Kindle & Nook formats.
My Book, Rethinking Spiritual Growth in PDF, Kindle, and Nook formats.
A never-before-released audio conference message entitled “A Woman Inside of a Man.”
Mary’s Book What To Do After People Poop on You in PDF.
A never-before-released audio conference message entitled “He’s Not Ashamed to Call Them Brothers and Sisters.”
A 15% discount off The Day I Met Jesus Master Course.
Contemplative Journal
My heart burned within me like a molotov cocktail
Melting atrophied organs of sense and perception
Third eyes blinking open from awakenings rude
Iridescent night vision seeing sights long subdued.
Tricksters, gods and monsters find themselves drawn in
To boys kicking off the covers revealing themselves to be men
Without apology.
Things hidden share secrets by flickering flames
Word-making devices now turning a page.
Ruthless grace shows up – mercilessly – picking me off the ground
Charred nuclear shadow where unused conscience once lay
Shrugging off my hangover from that first awful drink
‘Good’ and ‘evil’ hallucinations – that overripe fruit.
“Get up, Man,” Kali taunts me, blue angel of death
Shrunk heads of men who died trying hanging mute ’round her breasts
Her lips curled in kindness, a shared moment between us
Daring me to do better, Mars rising from Venus
While Michael, archangel, the template of me
Stands silently, original, master of all that he sees
Bedouin warrior of Thrones, desert Jinn and bright devils,
Has work to do once my apocalypse settles.
Alchemy seeps down deep in my bones
Leaden dreams long abandoned now spin into gold
Boy’s nightmares arouse to find themselves man’s playmates
(Amid tonight’s deadline and next week’s penciled play-dates)
Eden – alas – left me no forwarding address
Shangri-La (from saved seeds) now blooms in its stead
Could this garden-city be New Jerusalem’s nest?
I’ve been saving ’ it’s time to invest.
The invitation is intuition
A ceremony of recognition – my body and blood’s rhythmic repetition
Mercury’s metal on my tongue and sweat on my brow
Life’s transubstantiation – here and now.
Remembrance is re-cognition
Re-membering this disposition
That gives rise – then and always – to original face
Holy Sun Absolute shining shelter and grace
Kindling the compost of what had begun
Seraphim and Destroyer erect such a pyre
Food for the moon from all left undone
“Why not be utterly changed into fire?”
By Emily T. Wierenga
It was the Lin Yeng Temple, a Hindu temple in Richmond, BC, and we were supposed to be praying over the false spirits, we were supposed to be converting lost souls, but I found myself taking off my shoes instead.
I found myself on holy ground and all of my 18 years of being a preacher’s kid did nothing to prepare me for that moment.
The moment in which someone else’s faith in something other than Jesus would be stronger than mine.
The temple smelled of incense and all I could see were the soles of people’s calloused feet, the posture of their bent backs, and I’d never found this in a church.
There was no live band, there was no projector or stage or pulpit, there was just the awe-struck silence of worship.
I tiptoed down those temple steps leaving my faith there at the top, dead, for crows to pick apart.
And we were supposed to be telling people about Jesus that week but all I could do was feed them sandwiches and listen to their stories.
I didn’t have any magical words for them, I just sat there on East Hastings Street in the parks with men and women who had needle marks in their arms and red around their eyes and we did church together, the only kind I knew how, the real kind.
And after a week of serving hot dogs on fancy china and sorting through clothes at a distribution center and watching the homeless fall on the floor during a charismatic drop-in service, my Mum called.
She called the church basement where I was staying with my sleeping bag and my suitcase filled with bell bottoms.
And she asked me about Vancouver and what we’d done and then she said in her British accent, “Emily, can I ask you what’s been going on this week?”
I said, “I thought I just told you, Mum.”
And she said, “No, Emily, I mean, why has God been waking me up every single night at the same time, the past seven days, to pray for you?”
I nearly took off my shoes right then and there.
My faith, it just picked itself up from those temple stairs and ran back into my life all pecked by crows and disheveled, but alive.
Jesus loved me.
He loved me enough to wake my mother up seven nights in a row to pray for me.
He loved me enough to pursue me.
I don’t know why I felt such holiness at that temple, why I’ve never found that kind of reverence in a church, but I know that Jesus Christ is real.
And that is enough.
My memoir, , is releasing this month, and I am excited to give away a copy today.
Our own Mike Morrell says this about #AtlasGirl:
“Emily Wierenga’s Atlas Girl is a heartfelt reflection, poignantly told, of growing up in the shadows and light of ministry life. She spares no longing, sensuality, heartbreak, ambiguity, or epiphany in telling her story. I wish that all spiritual memoir coming from evangelical circles would be this true-to-voice, grounded, and real. Take and read–you’ll be glad you did.”
~ Mike Morrell, journalist and party- mikemorrell.org,
Just leave a comment below to win!
From the back cover:
“Disillusioned and yearning for freedom, Emily Wierenga left home at age eighteen with no intention of ever returning. Broken down by organized religion, a childhood battle with anorexia, and her parents’ rigidity, she set out to find God somewhere else–anywhere else. Her travels took her across Canada, Central America, the United States, the Middle East, Asia, and Australia. She had no idea that her faith was waiting for her the whole time–in the place she least expected it.
“Poignant and passionate, Atlas Girl is a very personal story of a universal yearning for home and the assurance that we are known, forgiven, and beloved. Readers will find in this memoir a true description of living faith as a two-way pursuit in a world fraught with distraction. Anyone who wrestles with the brokenness we find in the world will love this emotional journey into the arms of the God who heals all wounds.”
for a free excerpt.
I’m also giving away a FREE e-book to anyone who orders Atlas Girl. Just order, and send a receipt to: , and you’ll receive
– an absolutely FREE e-book co-authored by myself and editor/memoir teacher Mick Silva.
ALL proceeds from Atlas Girl will go towards my non-profit,
The Lulu Tree is dedicated to preventing tomorrow’s orphans by equipping today’s mothers. It is a grassroots organization bringing healing and hope to women and children in the slums of Uganda through the arts, community, and the gospel.
Emily T. Wierenga is an award-winning journalist, blogger, commissioned artist and columnist, as well as the author of five books including the memoir,
(Baker Books). She lives in Alberta, Canada with her husband and two sons. For more info, please visit . Find her on
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