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Notes from Haim Ginott's Books
Haim Ginott's most famous quote:
I have come to a
frightening conclusion.
I am the decisive element in the classroom.
It is my personal approach that creates the
It is my daily mood that makes the weather.
As a teacher I possess tremendous power to make a
child's life miserable or joyous.
I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of
inspiration.
I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal.
In all situations, it is my response that decides
whether a crisis
will be escalated or de-escalated, and a child
humanized or de-humanized.Between Teacher and Child
Notes from two of
his books:
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, Haim Ginott, 1972
&Rebellion follows
rejection.&
Differentiate between acceptance
and approval.
Ginott offers these suggestions:
Don't invite dependence
Don't hurry to correct facts.
Don't violate his privacy.
Avoid clichés and preaching.
Don't talk in chapters.
Don't label him.
Don't use reverse psychology.
Don't send contradictory
Don't futurize.
&Concerned adults serve best
when with confidence they stand and wait.&
Futurizing breeds stress and fear.
Insult cuts deeper and lasts longer
when it comes from the parent. p 36
Truth for its own sake can be a deadly weapon in family
relations. Truth without compassion can destroy love.
Some parents try too hard to prove exactly how, where and
why they have been right. This approach cannot but bring
bitterness and disappointment. When attitudes are
hostile, facts are unconvincing. p. 38
He quotes a child:
My father is
sensitive to temperature but not temperament. He is
totally unaware of emotions and moods. He does not
read between the lines, and cannot sense words
unsaid. He can talk at length without ever becoming
aware that he has lost his audience. He does not see
signs of obvious boredom. He never notices that he
has lost an argument. He merely thinks he has failed
to make his position clear. He talks but does not
communicate. He teaches and pontificates, and runs
any conversation into the ground. p 42
Chapter 3 Primum non
(First, do no harm.)
First, of all do not deny your teenager's
perception. Do not argue with his experience. Do not
disown his feelings. Specifically, do not try to convince
him that what he sees or hears or feels or senses is not
He gives the example
of a child who says the soup is too salty. His parent
says: &No it isn't.& The child doesn't feel
heard, accepted, validated, so he says with more drama
and more emotion: &It's awful and I am not eating
it! [This is how children become &dramatic&-
when the parent doesn't accept what they say the first
time.] Here is my adaptation of some things the parent
can make the situation even worse by saying any of the
following:
thankful that you have soup to complain about
What do you
mean salty? What is wrong with your taste buds?
It's delicious! And it has vegetables and
Stop being a
spoiled brat
Any more ugly
talk like that and you can leave the table
without dinner
Stop being so
selfish. I spent a lot of time making that soup.
Don't you ever think about anyone but yourself?
On problem solving:
&It is best not
to volunteer verbal remedies. fix it hat. Instead, we let
our teenage use his own initiative to deal with life
situations. Acknowledging the difficulty and waiting for
his suggestions allows him to assert his will and
exercise his autonomy.&
p. 54 He gives an
example of a father who tells his son he doesn't know
what he is talking about, and &correcting& him,
thinking that he is teaching him something useful. But
instead of learning what the father wanted him to learned
&to resent his father and keep his ideas to
If you try to convince
your child that he knows nothing, in other words, that he
is stupid, the real danger is that he may believe you. p
In an argument, the test of wisdom
is the ability to summarize the other person's view
before starting one's own. p 54
It is a parent's responsibility to
demonstrate to his teenager fruitful methods of
communication and conversation. 54
We win respect when our words fit
our feelings. 55
&The way you feel is exactly how it was for
Reason and logic do not satisfy our emotional
Acknowledging experience and
reflecting feelings are helpful interpersonal skills.
However, they are not tricks or gimmicks. Nor can they be
used mechanically. They are helpful only within a context
of concern and respect. In human relations the agents of
help are never solely the techniques, but the person who
employs them. Without compassion and authenticity, the
techniques fail.&
Strong feelings tend to diminish in
intensity and to lose their sharp edges when a
sympathetic listener accepts them with understanding. p
After emotional first aid has been
administered, it is often best to postpone further
action. [validation medication!] The temptation to teach
someone an instant lesson should be resisted. Immediate
intervention may only escalate the conflict. It is easier
to resolve conflicts and restore peace when emotions have
subsided and moods changed.
Our values should
support faith in one's own feelings and the
courage to stand alone when necessary. p 140
Parents are in the best position to
respond with empathy and validation since they know the
child the best. Instead, they often are the hardest on
the child But often a stranger has more empathy because
they do not have their own agenda and insecurities. (sph)
p 65 David went on a job interview.
He was rejected. He came home feeling rejected,
disappointed, discouraged and depressed. Father said: you
really wanted that job didn't you? You were pretty sure
you would get it.
Wanting a job and feeling qualified
then not getting it is pretty tough.
Silence....
Yeah, I really wanted it and I
don't understand why I didn't get it. But it's not the
end of the world. I will keep looking.
Ginott then lists these
invalidating approaches which some fathers might have
&Seven Roads To Trouble&
1. By reasoning. - &What did
you expect? To get the first job you wanted? Life is not
like that. You may have to five or even ten interviews
before you are hired.&
2. By cliche. &Rome was not
built in one day, you know. You are still very young, and
your whole life is in front of you. So chin up. Smile and
the world will smile with you. Cry and you will cry
alone. I hope it will teach you not to count your
chickens before they are hatched.&
3. By &take me for
instance.& - &When I was your age I went
looking for my first job. I shined my shoes, got a
haircut, put on clean clothes, and carried the Wall
Street Journal with me. I knew how to make a good
impression.
4. By minimizing the situation. -
&I don't know why you should feel so depressed.
There really is no good reason for you to be so
discouraged. Big deal! One job did not work out. It's not
worth even talking about.&
5. By &the trouble with
you.& - &The trouble with you is that you don't
know how to talk to people. You always put your foot in
your mouth. You lack poise, and you are fidgety. You are
too eager, and not patient enough. Besides, you are
thin-skinned and easily hurt.&
6. By self-pity. - &I am so
sorry dear, I don't know what to tell you. My heart
breaks. Life is so much a matter of luck. Other people
have all the luck. They know the right people in the
right places. We don't know anyone and no one knows
7. By a &Pollyanna&
approach. - &Everything happens for the best. If you
miss one bus there will soon be another, perhaps a less
crowded one. If you didn't get one job, you'll get
another-perhaps even a better one.&
Here is my adaptation:
1. Reasoning: What
did you expect? You didn't really think you would get the
first one did you? Is that realistic? Life is not like
that. You know better than that. You may have to go to
five or even ten interviews before you get hired.
2. By cliché‚:
Chin up. Rome wasn't built in a day. Maybe this will
teach you not to count your chickens before they are
3. I'm better:
When I went for a job, I got a haircut, shined my shoes,
carried the Wall Street journal. I knew how to make a
good impression. Look at you, on the other hand.
4. Minimizing. I
don't know why you should look so downcast. There is no
reason for you to act that way. So one job didn't work
out. So what? Big deal. Get over it. There will be
others. It's not worth worrying about. It's not even
talking about. Now wash your hands and get ready for
5. By criticizing.
The trouble with you is you don't make a good first
impression. You don't know how to appear confident. You
are too fidgety, too nervous. You don't articulate. You
don't look people in the eye. You don't have a good
handshake. You need to work on yourself before you expect
to get hired.
6. By pity &
victimization. Oh, that is terrible. You must
feel horrible. It doesn't seem fair does it? I don't know
why he wouldn't hire you. It's not right. You should have
gotten the job. What is wrong with that man? Why don't
people like our family?
7. By blind faith.
Everything happens for the best, honey. The must have
been a reason you didn't get the job. It just wasn't
meant to be. There is a reason for everything. Everything
is just the way it should be. I guess it just wasn't
written. It is not our place to question things like
this. We just need to move past it and have faith that
things will work out. Now, don't give it a second
I have come to a frightening
conclusion.
I am the decisive element in the classroom.
It is my personal approach that creates the climate.
It is my daily mood that makes the weather.
As a teacher I possess tremendous power to make a child's
life miserable or joyous.
I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of
inspiration.
I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal.
In all situations, it is my response that decides whether
will be escalated or de-escalated, and a child humanized
or de-humanized.
Haim Ginott
&A modern teacher
educates children to value their emotions.&
He helps them recognize and respect
their inner feelings. Above all, he is cautious not to
confuse children about how they feel. he does not tell an
angry child, &You have nothing to be angry
about,& or a frightened child, &There is
nothing to be afraid of.& He does not advise a child
in pain to smile, or a bashful child not to be shy. he
does not tell his class, &Pretend you are happy when
you are not.&
When a child is told, &There
is nothing to be afraid of,& his fear increases. The
child gets thrice frightened: In addition to his original
fear, he is now afraid to be afraid and fearful that he
will not be able to hide his fright. Fear does not vanish
when banished. It does not disappear when its existence
is not recognized. When a child is afraid, it is best to
acknowledge his fear openly and with respect.
Children resist hasty help. They
experience it as a threat to their intelligence.
Retrospectively, it makes them feel stupid. Neither is
the child helped by quick reassurance:
&It's not such a big
problem.& &You don't really have a
problem.& &Everyone has such
problems.& &Don't worry about it.&
The teacher listens to the problem,
rephrases it, clarifies it, gives the child credit for
formulating it, and then asks, &What options are
open to you.& Often the child himself comes up with
a solution. Thus, he learns that he can rely on his own
judgment. When a teacher hastily offers a solution,
children miss the opportunity to acquire competence in
problem solving and confidence in themselves.
Chapter -- 1 Young Teachers
Talk About Teaching
Clara says: I am disappointed and
disenchanted, because I wanted so much. I wanted to do
good. I wanted to change the child, the school, the
neighborhood, the world. How naive! I smiled at the
rattlesnakes and the bit me, and now I too and full of
Doris: I thought I loved kids,
especially the children of the poor. I was aching to
plunge in and give them my best, make up for their
deprivation, convince them that they are smart and
worthwhile. Instead they convinced me that I am dumb and
Earl: I had no illusions so I am
not disappointed. I knew the kids were rotten and the
system corrupt. I never expected my efforts to make a
difference. You wanted to empty the ocean with a broken
ladle and you found out: mission impossible.
Florence: Everyday I come to school
full of energy. I return home half dead. The noise drives
me mad, it drowns out everything: my philosophy, my
theories of learning, and all my good will. And all the
time I am aware that I am under surveillance by big
brother's roaming eye and ever present ear.
Grace: Every day I say to myself,
&This is going to be a peaceful day. I am not going
to get involved, I am not going to be provoked, lose my
temper, and ruin my healthy.& But everyday I lose
control of myself in the classroom and I return home
depressed and disgusted with myself.
I work in a poor neighborhood.
People are prompt to take offense. They suspect you are
slighting them. I have learned to listen and nod my head.
I am afraid to talk.
I tried to be fair to all children,
but I soon found out that I could not stand the bullies
and the wise guys. I suppose they need too need sympathy
and guidance, but I couldn't help them. I felt more like
killing them, and they knew it.
Our principal says: &Let them
hate you as long as they obey you.& But we all know
that children do not learn from a teacher they hate.
Bob: The system murders anything
decent in us. There is no place for sensitive
people in public schools.
[Especially sensitive children] **
Grace: I could not get use to their
language and conduct. The wanton destruction, dirty
messes and four letter words. For some of my children
&mother& is just half a word.
The battle for self-control
exhausted my energy.
I agree with Bob and Earl, teaching
belongs to those who are tough and who don't care.
Our principal loves vagueness and
adores ambiguity. He delays decisions and postpones life.
Whenever he is pressed for action, which become more and
more abstract. Talking to him gives me the sensation of
drowning in a sea of words.
Harold: Every criminal was educated
by teachers. Every prison is a dramatic demonstration of
the failure of our system.
Ira: There is no place
for cynics in elementary school. The
young need protection from adults with stone souls. **
One old teacher keeps giving me
advice. &Escape while you are young. Look at me and
run for your life. Teaching will kill you. It'll murder
your spirit, drain your energy, and corrode your
character.
My professors talked about
children's needs, parents' needs and society's needs. I
wish they had made me aware of my needs. p 32
Chapter 2 -- Teachers at
their Best
P 39 Gives example of a child who
was upset when he did not get a book because his last
name begins with a Z and they ran out before they got to
him. The teacher wrote him a note: &Paul, I know how
sad you must feel. You waited for your new book eagerly,
and suddenly-- such a disappointment. Everyone got a book
except you. I personally am going to see to it that you
get a new book.&
Ginott says the boy then
&calmed down, comforted by his teacher's warm
Then Ginott gives examples of what
destructive teachers might have said:
Children need to learn to take
disappointments in stride. Why do you make such a big
deal over a book? So you didn't get it today, you will
get it tomorrow. You are nine years old and still such a
Wendy knocks over a bookcase and
the teacher comes over starts to help without saying a
word. Wendy says &I spoiled my first day in school.
Everything is going wrong.&
The teacher replies &It has
been a rough morning for you.& Wendy: It sure has,
do you want to hear what happened? Teacher: Tell me
On page after page he gives
examples of validation and empathy. (Though he never uses
the word &validation.&)
p 47 He talks about a teacher who
had a student come up crying. She couldn't figure out why
he was crying. But then she realized that it didn't
really matter, thinking &He had come to me
for comfort, not for diagnosis.& **
[But Ginott doesn't talk about the
teachers feelings and doesn't suggest the teacher express
his/her feelings.]
Example of the girl getting the
vaccine when she came back tearful. The teacher said,
&It hurt didn't it?& She did not use cold logic
by saying something like, &You needed it for your
own good.& She did not offer false reassurance
saying &It won't hurt at all.& [Nor did she
invalidate the child by saying &It couldn't have
hurt that much.&
Instead she &recognized
feelings, acknowledged wishes and offered a helpful
Another example:
A child complains &You never
call on me.& The teacher says, &You really feel
that way don't you?& &Yes! You never call on
me.& The teacher thanks him for bringing his
feelings to her attention. And says &I will make a
note of the way you feel so I won't forget.&
One boy says to the teacher,
&Julio knocked the wheels off my car!& Julio
defends himself by saying it was an accident. The teacher
says, &It is your new car, isn't it, Rudy?&
Rudy says yes and stops crying. He is silent for a few
moments then says &Oh, well I have another car at
The incident demonstrates the power
of succinct and specific sympathy. She did not ask why he
brought the car to school or why Julio broke it. Instead
she focussed on the feelings. Reality took care of
When teachers are at their
best they display a common orientation: they do not
believe in the power of pontification. They neither
preach nor moralize. They give no guilt and demand no
promises. **
They are not preoccupied
with the child's past history or distant future, they
deal with the present. What matters to them is the here
and now of the child in distress. **
Chapter 3 -- Teachers at
Their Worst
Some teachers work too
hard. They spend time and wasted energy on battles that
can be avoided and wars that can be prevented. In each
school there is a gigantic waste of human resources. Time
and talent are devoured by needless conflicts and useless
quarrels. **
A teacher asked a child to make a
choice and the child was taking his time in answering.
The teacher said, &mind. We don't have all day. Make
up your mind, if you have one.&
Ginott says: A slow student
is not cured by sarcasm. Mental processes are not mended
by mockery. Ridicule breeds hate and invites vengeance. **
Ginott comes close to suggesting
that teachers describe their feelings, giving this
example: &Alfred, when the class is ready to begin,
I find it annoying to see you still standing.&
This is close to describing the
teacher's personal emotional experience, but it is still
an attack on the child and puts the child on the
defensive, in effect blaming the child for the teacher's
When a child was having a problem
with math, the teacher said: &Where were you when I
explained the problem? You never listen. You always play.
Now you want special attention. You are not the only one
here. I can't hold special classes for you.& [Six
shots in a row]
A teacher said to a 9 year old when
she didn't finish her assignment on time: &You are
lazy, careless and irresponsible.& After class the
girl said to the teacher, &You evidently don't know
me well. I am not lazy and careless. I care very much
about my schoolwork. I try very hard to do my best. I
come to your class for only 40 minutes, so perhaps you
don't know me as my other teachers do.&
The teacher responded: &You
are a fresh young lady, that's what you are. And you have
a big mouth. Tell your mother I want to see her in school
to discuss her loud-mouthed daughter.&
The girl returned home in tears.
Name calling is taboo for a
pedagogue. **
What the teacher says about a child
has serious consequences.
Gives example of a teacher who did
not respect a child's need for privacy.
The teacher said, &Listen, you
are like an open book to me. I know your personality. I
can tell your moods. You got up on the wrong side of bed,
didn't you?&
The child begged, &Please!
The teacher said, &What kind
of talk is that, young lady? I have a mind to teach you a
lesson in manners but I am going to spare you. You are
upset and you don't even know it. I understand you better
than you understand yourself.&
The child covered her face and did
not utter a word for the rest of the hour.
To tell a child &I understand
you better than you do& is an act of emotional
arrogance, akin to illegal trespassing.
Privacy is not to be
intruded upon without invitation or permission.
Self-disclosure requires a personal choice and the right
to reticence. **
Example of teacher who invalidates
a child using sarcasm and questioning the child's
honesty. &I don't believe you. You must have done
something. I know you. When it comes to an provoking, you
are an expert.&
&I didn't do anything, I just
stood in the hall, minding my own business,& the
child protested in self-defense.
The teacher responded, &I am
in the hall everyday, no one ever attacks me.&
-- Elsewhere, Ginott suggests that
the teacher have the child write down his feelings about
an incident if the teacher doesn't have time to listen
right then.
Ginott says &Verbal
spankings do not improve performance or personality. They
only ignite hate.& **
Example of a child who had trouble
opening a window. The teacher said &Can't you even
open a window? Don't you know anything?&
Children are never sure of their
abilities. A public attack on intelligence hits
their most vulnerable spot. Virulent criticism doesn't
motivate on the contrary, it ruins
their initiative. **
A story to illustrate how we all
find ways to get revenge, even the most powerless:
A bossy man decided to change his
behavior towards his personal cook. He called in the cook
and said, &From now on I am going to be nice to
The cook asked, &If I am a
little late with lunch you won't yell at me?&
&If the coffee is a little
cold, you won't throw it in my face anymore?&
&Definitely not.&
&If the steak is a little
overcooked, you won't deduct its cost from my wages from
&That's right. From now on I
am going to be nice to you. You have my word.&
&Ok,& said the cook,
&then I will stop spitting in your soup.&
Learning depends on the emotional
climate engendered by empathy and civility. In their
daily contacts with children, teachers must preserve
these vanishing virtues.
He quotes James Joyce: History is a
nightmare from which I am trying to wake up.
Every teacher can become
aware of attitudes that alienate, words that insult and
acts that hurt. He can acquire competence and caution in
communication, and become less abrasive and less
provocative. **
Chapter 4 -- Congruent
Communication
How parents and teachers
talk tell a child how they feel about him. [and
how they feel about themselves is reflected in how they
Their statements affect his
self-esteem and self-worth. To a large extent, their
language affect his destiny. **
Parents and teachers need
to eradicate the insidious messages that tell a child to
distrust his perception, disown his feelings and doubt
his worth. **
The prevalent, so called
&normal& talk, drives children crazy-- the
blaming and shaming, preaching and moralizing, ordering
and bossing, admonishing and accusing, ridiculing and
belittling, threatening and bribing, diagnosing and
prognosing. These techniques vulgarize, brutalize and
dehumanize children. Sanity depends on trusting ones
inner reality. **
At their best, teachers
address themselves to a child's situation. At their
worst, they judge his character and personality. This in
essence is the difference between effective and
ineffective communication. **
For example, a child spills paint.
A teacher can (A) address the situation by saying,
&I see the paint has spilled, let's get some water
and a towel, or (B) she can attack the child's
personality and character: &What's the matter with
you? You are so clumsy. Didn't I tell you to be careful?
You never listen.&
Ginott says the cardinal rule of
communication is: talk to the situation, not the
character and personality.
Hein says: I would say, &Talk
to the feelings and not just the situation& is an
even higher goal.
Hein says the feelings don't need
to be addressed every time, but if they are addressed
consistently and in the critical moments, then the
situation can be addressed directly, problems solved
efficiently and conflicts can be de-escalated smoothly. **
Ginott: An effective
teacher does not play the role of a saint or act the part
of an angel. She is aware of her human feelings and
respects them. Though she can not always be patient, she
is always authentic. His response is genuine. His words
fit his feelings. He does not hide his annoyance. He does
not pretend patience. He does not demonstrate hypocrisy
when feeling nasty. **
An enlightened teacher is
not afraid of his anger, because he has learned to
express it without doing damage. He has mastered the
secret of expressing anger without insult. **
Even under provocation, he
does not call children abusive names. He does not attack
their character or offend their personality. He does not
tell them whom they resemble and where they will end up.
When angry, an enlightened teacher
remains real. He describes what he sees, what he feels
and what he expects. [Better to describe what he would
like rather than what he expects. Expectations set up
disappointment and disapproval]
He attacks the problem, not the
person. He knows that when angry, he is dealing with more
elements than he can control. He protects himself and
safeguards his students by using &I messages.&
Ginott says &I messages&
are safer than statements such as:
You are a pest. You
are annoying. Look what you have done. You
are so stupid. Who do you think you
are? How dare you?
Ginott does not realize there are
primary feelings before anger, nor does he teach that
events don't &make& us feel anything. In others
he doesn't stress that teachers need to take
responsibility for their own feelings. (As Thomas Gordon does)
We see these errors when Ginott
suggests that teachers say: &It makes me angry when
Children are dependent on
their teachers, and dependency breeds hostility. **
To reduce hostility a
teacher deliberately provides children with opportunities
to experience independence. The more autonomy, the less
the more self-dependence, the less resentment of
Then he gives a couple of examples.
Avoiding commands is
another effective method of decreasing defiance.
** Like adults, children hate to be ordered
around, dictated to, and bossed. They resent
infringements on autonomy. The resist a teacher less when
his communications convey respect and safeguard
self-esteem.
Then he gives a few examples. But
he doesn't give examples of the teacher expressing her
He still advocates teachers saying
what &needs& to be done, what is
&supposed& to be done, etc. However, at points
he does indirectly suggest that it is not always
necessary for the teacher to spell out what needs to be
done. Rather, he says that &the teacher
merely describes the situation. What needs to be done
becomes obvious in the context. p 92 It is the child's
conclusion, not the adult's command. **
Self inferred decisions
decrease defiance, and reduce resistance and invite
collaboration. **
He gives a positive example of a
teacher who says: I deliberately avoid provoking
defensive responses in the classroom. My
communications omit pressure phrases: You must... you had
better... I want to win cooperation without resorting to
guilt and fear. I resist the temptation to turn requests
and demands into moralistic judgments.
Another teacher: I have given up
polemics in the classroom. My arguments only brought
counter-arguments to justify defiance and postpone
compliance. It is easier to gain cooperation by
changing moods than by changing minds. ** p 95
Teachers are told that children
need understanding and acceptance. What they are not told
is how to convey it under difficult classroom conditions.
Then he gives some examples.
p 97 He says sentences beginning
with &you& are best used when responding to the
child's plight, complaint or request. The
effective &you message& has the following
qualities:
it accurately acknowledges the
child's statement or state of mind
it does not deny his
perception
it does not dispute his
it does not disown his wishes
it does not deride his taste
it does not denigrate his
it does not derogate his
it does not degrade his person
it does not argue with his
experience
Labeling is disabling.
He gives an example of a teacher
who &in one minute managed to violate several tenets
of effective education. He diagnosed, labeled and
embarrassed a person in public. He offended him and his
family and gave gloom warnings and doom predictions.
Recommendation: in dealing with
students avoid diagnosis and prognosis. Do not delve into
the case history of the child or his family.
Once teachers assimilate
the principle of &no labeling,& they become
more helpful even in difficult moments.
Teachers questions.
An enlightened teacher learns to
omit questions that make a child feel foolish, guilty,
enraged and vengeful. He deliberately avoids questions
and comments that are likely to incite resentment and
invite resistance.
A teacher's question is not an
abstraction to a child. It has concrete consequences for
A child experiences hostile
inquiries as a rack on which his life is stretched for
painful scrutiny.
The following 13 destructive
&whys& were asked by a fifth grade teacher in
one day of instruction:
- why can't you be good for a
change? - why are you so selfish? - why do you have to
fight with everybody? - why can't you be like other
children? - why must you interrupt everybody? - why can't
you keep your mouth shut once in a while? - why are you
so slow? - why do you always rush? - why must you be such
a pest? - why are you so disorganized? - why are you such
a busybody? - why do you forget everything I tell you? -
why are you so stupid?
To children &why& stands
for disapproval, disappointment and displeasure. Even a
simple &why did you do that?& may evoke the
memory of [and the same feelings as] &why in the
world did you ever do something as stupid as that?&
Elaborating on what Ginott says:
Once upon a time &why&
was a term of inquiry, now it is a term of inquisition.
It's original meaning has long
vanished. It was corrupted by the misuse of
&why& as a coin of criticism, judgment, and
Ginott talks about how children
often come up with comments that seem unrelated to the
lesson and how this annoys some teachers. Other teachers,
though, show respect to the child by responding
positively to the comment, even if it appears unrelated
to the topic at hand.
This alerts us to the danger that
of the teacher who becomes too task oriented. Or more
specifically the danger that the teacher is misguided
believing that the task of teaching the subject is more
important than the task of satisfying each individual
child's emotional needs.
He says &A teacher
with an acid tongue is a health hazard. His caustic
comments deflate self-esteem and block learning. Hurt
children grow preoccupied with revenge fantasies.& **
Then he gives examples of remarks
made by teachers &non-chalantly, almost without
awareness of their tragic impact.&
- You are relying on your own
judgment again and believe me, it is a poor guide
- Do you think you can come back to
your senses? You have been out of them for quite a while.
- Your intelligence is not good
enough for this class. Why don't you transfer to a school
more commensurate with your disabilities?
- You don't need a psychologist.
You need a vacuum cleaner. Your mind is cluttered with
There is no place for
devastating remarks in teacher-child communication. **
A professional teacher
shuns comments that casually destroy a child's
self-esteem. A teacher's role is to heal, not injure.
A teacher with a critical
disposition and a gifted tongue has a grave
responsibility: He must protect young children from his
deadly talent, either by learning new ways of
communicating or by choosing another calling.
[but if one is negative, cynical,
sarcastic, it will be impossible to hide the true
feelings by simply changing behavior]
(stopped on p 110...jump to p 117)
&For children,
learning is never without emotional overtones. Whenever a
teacher ignores the emotions and resorts to logical
explanations, learning limps to a halt.& **
jumping to Chapter 5 - The Perils
True or false: Praise is
productive. Praise is destructive.
Ginott says both statements are
true. Evaluative praise is destructive, appreciative
praise is productive.
In psychotherapy a child is never
told, you are a good little boy, you are doing great.
Judgmental praise is avoided. Why? Because it creates
anxiety, invites dependency and evokes defensiveness. It
is not conducive to self-reliance, self-direction and
self-control.
These qualities demand freedom from
outside judgment. They require reliance on inner
motivation and evaluation. To be himself, one
needs to be free from the pressure of evaluative praise. **
In praising, appreciate specific
acts. Do not evaluate character traits.
Avoid praise that attaches
adjectives to a child's character.
Children need praise that
appreciates not praise that compares or condescends. p
Praise describes a child's efforts
and accomplishments and our feelings about them. It does
not evaluate personality or judge character. The
cardinal rule in praising is describe without evaluating-
report don't judge. Leave the evaluation of the child to
skipping to Chapter 6 Discipline
The essence of discipline
is finding effective alternatives to punishment.
To punish a child is to
enrage him and make him uneducable. He becomes a
hostage of hostility. A captive of rancor. A prisoner of
vengeance.
Suffused with rage and absorbed in
grudges, a child has no time or mind for studying.
In discipline whatever
generates hate must be avoided, whatever creates
self-esteem is to be fostered. **
Skipping ahead past Chapter 7 -When
parents and teacher clash & Chapter 8- Homework
Chapter 9 Tales of Motivations
p 240 Children can be lured into
learning, they can be temp but they
cannot be shamed into it.
When forced to study,
children use their ingenuity to get through school
without learning. **
Skipping chapter 10 Helpful
procedures and practices
Chapter 11 Adult Encounters
p 287 A professional knows
that when things go wrong, first aid, not criticism is
needed. ** (Talking about administration)
Chapter 12 Students recall their
Math teacher who made them feel
like a zero
Epilogue is excellent.... But I ran
out of room on my tape recorder!
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